Temperance and the Devil: Back to the CA Desert

Part 1 of the Story That Inspired It Happened That Night

The story of Mr. Wonderful, began as one of Finesse’s routine help-a-friend-projects. Finesse has a knack for networking and drawing resources together when someone is in need. She posted on Facebook that a friend of hers was leaving Lake Elsewhere and returning to our beautiful desert community of the insane.

My new-found friends were part of a larger pack of artists, creatives, and musicians most of whom are over 40. As characteristic of the magic of the high-desert, I had my own “fab-4” myself, Christa, Trisha, and Finesse accompanied, most of the time, by my bunny Galaxy. Galaxy is an integral part of the pack and Christa, Trisha, and Finesse often think of him as my infant given his similar needs.
Pioneer Town California, Grateful Dead-Revival Band, musicians, music, dance, movie set, old westMy friend and our pack, were in the midst of a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, filled with the magic of pure friendship and fun. Finesse, Galaxy, and I set out for Pioneertown to see our Grateful Dead revival band play. We piled in the car like young groupies, laughing the entire trip through every twist and turn of the windy desert road all the way to Pioneertown. Upon arrival, we were welcomed by all of our friend’s gathered on the soundstage where the band was playing. Our “pack” had relocated for the day, to the wondrous splendor of this bizarre place, where so many old westerns were once filmed.

The day after our adventure to Pioneertown was the Memorial Day Concert. True to the characteristic oddity of the hi-desert, the all day outdoor concert took place in the Joshua Tree cemetery. My pack was gathered around the speakers, which was too loud for Galaxy, so I stayed in the upper portion of the cemetery with the families.

Throughout the day, we talked to strategize a plan to bring Mr. Wonderful to Joshua Tree. We imagined a fun road trip in my car, but I didn’t have enough gas for the trip. Finesse had arranged a place for Mr. Wonderful to live that at the time seemed like the perfect situation. Mr. Treeman, the new roommate, ended up making the trip to Lake Elsewhere to pick up Mr. Wonderful.

I asked Finesse what her friend and former resident of Joshua Tree was doing in Lake Elsewhere in the first place. She said he relocated to Lake Elsewhere for a relationship, but because it ended he wanted to come home. My immediate thought was how absurd is was to relocate just for a relationship, something I would never do. If only I had known that this would be a major factor in my future pains. 
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The magic of the weekend kept going as if it would never end. The day after our Memorial Day Concert the band gave another performance.  This was a nice intimate performance at a charity meal. As the first to arrive at the charity dinner, I met one of the coordinators who was a kind and gorgeous man. Before long, I became both lost and found in our conversation and in his soulful eyes. He was exactly the kind of man I was dreaming of meeting. He was gentle, soft-spoken, long hair going grey, wonderful life experiences, and a long resume of social justice activities. The way he looked at me made me feel beautiful and I was in the best possible state to radiate this beauty throughout the room. This radiant glow would be the catalyst for so many things yet to happen.

Mr. Treeman delivered Mr.Wonderful to this event, to meet up with Finesse. Mr. Wonderful and Finesse had a long history of close friendship.  Finesse introduced me to Mr. Wonderful and his eyes shifted gently at the sight of me. I noticed, right away, the crystalline sparkle of his blue eyes, like the way a stream glistens in the sun as it sets. Compelled by some force of my nature, I immediately showed him pictures of my rabbit on my smart phone. Galaxy wasn’t with me, though I was wishing I had brought him. Mr. Wonderful’s response, though not verbal, was positive. I could see the enthusiasm over my rabbit in his eyes and he put his glasses to view the images of Galaxy clearly.

Throughout the evening Finesse took pictures of the ever-changing desert sky that was in the onset of dusk and clouds indicative of a storm. The desert sky is a magical splendor. Mr. Wonderful was in and out of these outdoor gatherings and he seemed reflective as he viewed the sky’s activities.

When I went into the kitchen to see if there was something that I could do to help, the other coordinator, a lady, snapped bitterly at me, which hurt my feelings. Shortly after this odd encounter, I missed Galaxy and became compelled to get inside my car and drive; I went home and scooped up Galaxy and brought him back to the gathering, which by then, was winding down. Galaxy was in his sling and Mr. Wonderful did not hesitate to pet him while catching my eyes as much as possible. The sky, closer to the dark of night in appearance was still a sight that was collectively being savored. Mr. Wonderful mentioned to Finesse that he was going over to the Joshua saloon to meet up with Mr. Treeman.

After vying for attention from the beautiful man, for which I was smitten, I realized that he was likely in a partnership with the lady, who had been so mean to me for seemingly no reason, earlier when I had gone into the kitchen. I found out about a month later that they are actually married.
photo collage, dreams, reflections, wishes, desires, possibilities, romance, love, friendship, gathering

Before I left the church for home,  I noticed by smartphone alert that Mr. Wonderful wasted no time sending me a friend invite on Facebook. He must have “friend-ed” me at the Saloon or the moment Mr. Treeman took him to the hobble where he would be staying. I accepted without much thought. Since joining the pack, friend invites had been constant, so it didn’t surprise me that he took this initiative though it was instantaneous.

In the weeks that followed Mr. Wonderful, in the Facebook world, seemed to be two steps ahead and behind me much of the time. I posted pictures he would be the first to “like.” I would RSVP for an event, he would RSVP seconds later. He had rsvp for a show with the band at the saloon, but like many events he didn’t actually show. I got several pokes from him, though I didn’t notice them when they were sent to me. 

Joshua Tree, native birds, nesting, wildlife habitat, animal love
“Each time I posted any animal photos, he was always the first to “like.”

In the following weeks Mr. Wonderful shared the aftermath of this breakup openly, on Facebook, all of which compelled to reach out to him. He posted a candid request that he needed a diversion and could we apprise him of local events to fill the void. I thought of an article I had written years before called “The Big-Bad Break-Up” which is about  filling the gap a relationship can leave behind. Feeling compassion, I responded with all of the wonderful activities that had been my salvation when I moved to Joshua Tree not knowing anyone at all. I included commentary on what I thought he would like and even offered to accompany him. What he might be thinking about these gestures is not something I thought about or considered.

At Christa’s son Mason’s luau birthday party, Mr. Wonderful appeared out of nowhere. I sat down next to him with Galaxy on my lap. He was quick to affection with Galaxy, who perked his curious rabbit ears and reach his twitching nose forward in response. As he stoked Galaxy,  part of his hand grazed my armed, gentle and amorous, sending a warm sensation through my body as my elevated heartbeat reverberated on my chest. I wasn’t sure if this was intentional, so I assumed it wasn’t. What surprised me is how much his touch affected me, not to mention how his connecting with Galaxy touched my spirit.

party, fate, romance, friends, gathering, love, encounter, attraction, night sky, house rabbits
“You noticed?” he said as his eyes widened like a child on Christmas morning….

While making clumsy conversation with Mr. Wonderful, unaware that I was lost in his eyes and disarmed by his touch,  I mentioned the band playing at the saloon the previous weekend, how he had posted an rsvp, but didn’t attend the show.  His glassy blue eyes widened and he looked stunned as he asked, “You noticed?”  His
tone of voice and the look in his widened eyes was just like a little kid who finally received the shiny new red bike, his heart desired, on Christmas morning. In this same outdoor venture, I moved about to dodge cigarette smoke, I also talked with a stunning woman who was intrigued and deeply touched by Galaxy and by Galaxy and I. Under the clueless impression that Mr. Wonderful liked this lady, I opted to get out-of-the-way by repairing back to the living room to be with Finesse, Tricia, and Christa. The next time I looked outside, Mr. Wonderful had disappeared, perhaps somewhere in the desert night.

Desert Diva and Her Infinite Galaxy

Temperance and The Devil, Part 2

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Cougar In The Hunt: Moments

He said to me “…Immaturity is a burden,” and that he was….

In just a MOMENT

cougar, sex, dating, romantic encounter, attraction, lust, infatuation, leg, Mrs. Robinson, photo collage
Not even the crowd, all around me, distilled his penetrating gaze. “
a young person, unexpectedly crashed into my world,
for a moment
In  just a moment, a young person was under a spell I never cast
In just a moment a young person was hypnotized lost in the moment, with me
In a moment he fell down to my feet,
For a Moment, a young person ignited an impulsive fire and impetuous spirit in me….
For a moment, a young person promised me
the moon and the stars,
his everlasting devotion,
to serenade me in the dark of night,
I did not believe it for a moment,..but for a moment I believed that he believed…..
For a moment, I believed in this young person
For a moment, I believed that for at least a moment, I could
Believe
For a moment a young person helped me to live in the moment,
sharing fleeting moments with me.
For a moment, this young person showed me a kind of courage rarely seen in young people.
For a moment, I forgot what is wrong and remembered everything that is right
for a moment
For a moment I let a young person near
and in a single moment I wished I hadn’t
In a moment he said that ‘immaturity is a burden’
and in just a moment a burden he became
For a moment, this young person forced a painful reminder of how confusing, turbulent, unstable, and traumatic my 20s were
how betrayed I felt, so often, as a developing woman, so much of the time…
For a moment, my very life was suddenly forced into a time machine, that hijacked my soul back to that tough stage of compulsive drama and heartache,
revolving mistakes I could never comprehend,
mistakes repeating, repeating, repeating,
constantly spinning through my head and my heart,
through a vast time and space…never knowing my place.
cougar, lust, encounter, attraction, infatuation, admiration, menopause, aging women and sexuality
“…..he said immaturity is a burden, and a burden he was…”
For a moment I was lost to everything I have struggled to be and became everything I am and stand for.as a woman.
For a moment, I cried for the naive, unsure, and vulnerable young woman I once was,
the scarred girl wearing her trauma,

like a brooch piercing her heart.

a lifetime ago….
moments.
#Mrs.Robinson #cougar #cub #lust
Now
In THIS moment, here and now, I am more happy than I ever thought, to have left so many painful moments, my 20s, behind forever-ago.
In THIS moment, I am wise, enlightened, and fully aware that my 20s are not only past, but that I will never have to pass that way again.
In this moment, I will look to myself and how glad I am for me and will look to all future moments when I will grow older and better
till I meet my next life.
And….at this moment, I will be grateful for what this young person revealed to me,
in a just a moment,#cougar #Mrs.Robinson #lust #infatuation #21 #menopause #singlewomanover40

The Desert Diva

The “In Just a Moment” Story: Cougar In The Hunt 

As a woman over 40, pushing 50, have created this blog for the purposed of using my writing skills to create something Shop For Jewelry, Clothing And More To Help Rescue Animals!especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit.

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Break Up Dos and Don’t

Break-Up Dos and Don’t: Guide to Avoiding Post Break-Up Set Backs

1) Companionship

Don’t Seek out a new love for at least one year.

Do Spend time with good friends whom you have a long history.

There is no harm in considering adopting a dog or cat, but make sure you give this idea considerable, rational thought. You can also consider volunteering at an animal shelter to help fill the break up void.

2) Alcohol

Don’t Drink alone- This inevitably will lead to disaster. When going through a break -up, we naturally have unreasonable and unhealthy impulses that we hopefully repress, with good common sense. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, our ability to make rational decisions, and impairs judgment. In the aftermath of a break up, we have irrational impulses that we resist acting on for our own self-respect and consideration of the other party. These filters are weakened or destroyed by alcohol which can result in drunk dialing, drunk facebook posts, typing to the wrong chat window, or playing tricks like sending unsolicited taxis or pizza to your exe’s house. You won’t be able to take these actions back the next morning when your discover and realize what you have done. There will be no backspacing or command z.

Do Drink one glass of wine with dinner, but make sure it is one of those Sutter Homes miniature bottles so the temptation to drink a full bottle is eliminated.

or

Drink with friends, at your home and make sure you are fully sober before they go home so you are safe.

Don’t: Have more then one beer while relaxing at the local bar on the chance that you will see your ex there that night.  

3) Hair

Do Change your hair drastically with a cut, color, and highlights. This is the perfect way to be incognito when you are out.  If you happen to see your ex coming, you can hide behind a bush, in a bathroom, behind a clothes rack, or grocery aisle before they realize it is you.

DON’T I can emphasize this enough, do not go to a new stylist for your new look. You are not rational enough to trust a stylist you do not have a long history with. With a stylist you have had for years, you do not have to make a rational choice, she will do that for you.

4) Money and spending

Do: Cut up all credit cards with a limit over $100.  

Don’t buy anything; this is the time that you will justify buying anything and charging credit card for things that you don’t need, but suddenly want to fill the void in your life and prove to everyone that you are still cool. While you are at it, stay away from stores that sell firearms, just to be safe.

Do: Stay away from car dealerships and places that sell water-craft. If you must spend money, go for a gym membership or a really nice dress. Put off buying a house; it will only make you sad, every time you see things in perspective houses that would accommodate or please your ex. If possible, put off purchase until you are ready for a clean start. If this purchase would send you far away from your ex, go ahead and make an exception. However, be sure to make a list of your wants and needs and let your realtor do most of the work.

5) Movies and Television

Do go to the movies but stick to the safe list below:

  • Godfather series
  • Women Outlaw and Action Female Super-hero films: Charlie’s Angels is perfect. Thelma and Louise is golden. 

Other safe recommendations:

  • Joy Luck Club- This film will help you cry. After a break-up crying makes you feel better. The relationship emphasis is mothers and daughters. It is a beautiful film. The production of this movies does wonderful justice to the excellent work of writer Amy Tan.  
  • Boys on The Side- This is one of my favorite films. It focuses on women and their connection to each other. For much of this film you will laugh and a good portion will help you cry.
  • Jesus Christ Superstar: This is the perfect film if the break up was cause because you failed to live up to the petal-stool your ex needlessly held you to.
  • Wonder Woman Movie: It begins with an Amazon Island with no men for centuries.
  • Comedy is absolutely essential. Laughing has the same effect as crying does. However stay away from romantic comedies as they will trigger you, annoy you and you will hardly feel the humor.

Safe Zone Television Shows: television of cinematic quality is a great distraction. This list has many shows that are not on the air any longer. Please add to this list in the comment section. Don’t watch any movies on the Hallmark Channel and block the channel if you can. I have listed shows that are either inspiring to women, whose major emphasis is not about romance, characters that are exceptionally human, or exceptionally funny.

  • Law and Order especially criminal intent reruns: Crime drama is perfect when your heart is broken. Law and Order is intelligent so it engages your mind. Law and Order stories are never about happy couples making love work. Your broken heart cynicism can find a healthy outlet in a well written crime drama
  • Hot in Cleveland reruns: Simply stated Betty White is awesome. Watching Betty White strut across your TV in a role as the hottest woman of an ensemble cast as a 90 + aged woman offers tremendous hope to a broken heart. I am not entirely sure if this is a show for women in their twenties. My niece said as a teenager that she ‘hated it’
  • Everybody Hates Chris reruns- this show is hilarious and laughter is great medicine. This is the comedian Chris Rock’s wonder years taking place in Brooklyn. The voice over is the comedic stylings of Chris Rock himself.
  • M*A*S*H reruns- Not only is this show funny it is also a timeless representation of a historic event.
  • Lock-Up: I list this reality show because it is a chance to see over-the-top desperation, to be in relationships, which will make you proud to know that you are above that.  
  • Wonder Woman- the title says it all. There is no better catharsis then a female super hero.
  • PBS Documentaries

Don’t go to the types of movies listed below. Make sure you screen your movies carefully before going to see them. Be aware that if a movie triggers your feelings of heartbreak in an unpleasant way, you can walk out and get passes to another movie.

  • Feel good movies- if you are not feeling good, this won’t help and it could make you feel worse.
  • Romantic Comedy
  • Any boy meets girl romantic fairy tale ending.
  • Love stories where couple beats all odds. This is the ultimate danger zone, avoid it at all costs and look for signs.

Do Listen to Music. It is now possible to download songs and create specialized lists. You can download and create a heartbreak song list.

Don’t listen to or download mushy romantic music. If the lyrics can apply to the love you

have for your dog or cat, go ahead. 11000265_1087079267986491_5903250632161867962_n - Edited

Do stash photos, gifts, and mementos from your ex,  in a box at the bottom of your closet. These items are part of your history and your developing humanity. Years from now they are not likely to trigger unhappy feelings once you have gained valuable insights. One day these will be your badge of honor and reminders of lessons learned.

Don’t attempts to give gifts back. This is a form of engaging and is provocation to drama that you don’t need.  

 

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I love writing and this brand new blog, for now,  is an artistic labor of love; As a woman over 40, pushing 50 I wanted to create something meaningful to women, especially my age. I also hope it will also serve to help with my bunny Galaxy’s care and my gourmet coffee. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount, in that order.

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