Cougar Part 4: Here’s to You Mrs. Robinson

Continuation of previous post Cougar in the Hunt Part 3: Here’s to You Mrs. Robinson

cougar, lust, Mrs. Robinson leg, 21, older woman, younger man, lust, sex, attraction, one-night-stand, affair
As soon as the words came out, I realized what I had said and when I asked myself why I had made this gesture, I did not have an answer.

I have drawn the fool card so many times in my life; the first tarot card ever drawn on my behalf was the Fool, though it was not the first time I was dealt the fool. The Fool card is not necessarily attributed to the foolish qualities we associate with people who make poor choices or the naiveté understandable in youth. Did I draw the fool card that fateful moment Mr. Man’s hand made contact with my knee? 

It would seem that I did, but at the time I was certain Mr. Man had drawn the fool card. After all, he was hypnotised, taken in by my unintended prowess, exaggerated and romanticized by his lack of life experience. I was so cautious of his natural fool stage of life, afraid of him falling over the cliff, I did not realize I was the one on the edge of the cliff as the true fool.

The cougar mythology was never curious or tempting to me, or my paradigm. I don’t enjoy the company of kids in their early 20s. My ego doesn’t crave validation that I look younger than my age; when I look in the mirror it is clear that age has only created subtle changes, which I attribute only to hereditary, not luck or some magic-potion-cosmetic concoction designed to make money from women afraid to grow old. My attraction to Mr. Man, even mixed with repulsion, was a feeling, and had nothing to do with defying my age. I never feel the need to convince myself that I am like a woman in her early 20s; what I experience is my real biological age. My encounter with Mr. Man revealed an additional curiosity. Why would any mature, accomplished woman want to relive her tumultuous youth?

As the gathering at J&P’s was winding down, from a collective cognizant of the impending dawn, Mr. Man said with a tone of confusion and worry, “Oh no! I just realized something. My car is at the bar!”“Yes, you came in my car and as such I will take you back,” I replied.

“Okay” he responded with relief and I wondered what would make him feel stranded all of a sudden.

I was not going to leave without making sure that Vanessa had a safe ride home. I wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to go home with Tin-Man, though I did know Tin-Man was determined to take her home with him. I inquired with Tricia, a few times and since I didn’t have enough gas, Tricia said she would make sure Finesse made it back home. As we said goodbye,Tricia let me know that Finesse decided to go home with Tin-Man. The four of us piled into my car, Finesse and Tin-Man in the back seat, Mr. Man and I in the front, me at the wheel, this time around.

As we reached the parking lot, still affected by alcohol, Finesse, Tin-Man, and myself became loud enough for Mr. Man to tell us that we ought to keep our voices down. I immediately said, “You are right, we are too loud and after all it is 4:30 am.”

Cougar Caos
As the sun graced Valentine’s Day morning, I finally fell asleep as my fantasies created a spiral effect in my brain and spread throughout my entire body.

“No, I didn’t mean you,” Mr. Man said, with a tone of worry, at the mere idea that he may have let me think that I had come down from the highest pedestal, so far out of his reach. “It is okay,” I said with no more authority or assurance than he had given me, “…nothing wrong with pointing it out. The two of them are souzed and I am well aware of my gift of projection,” It was clear that to Mr. Man I could do no wrong. The problem with being lifted up on a pedestal is the eventual and inevitable fall.

I gazed over in Mr. Man’s direction, as I began anticipating the pending goodbye, knowing the desires he had made poignantly clear, thereby imagining his pending expectations. As it happened, his physical stance was as unassuming as it had been all evening. There were no schemes to force me to be alone with him in the darkness of predawn. He did not manipulate any situation so that he could pull me aside or steal moments alone with me. The only discussion was the logistics of going to Finesse’s house so they could get her dog and go back to Tin-Man’s place. Much of my mental energy was on Finesse and if it was a good idea for her to be swept away by Tin-Man. Despite my reservations, I was impressed with Tin-Man’s willingness to accommodate Finesse’s dog and again, it made me think of Mr. Wonderful doing the same for my bunny Galaxy, every time we were together. I did have other assurances as to Finesse’s presence of mind during the short car ride from J&P’s house.

In the back of my car, Finesse made it verbally clear to Tin-Man what her physical boundaries would be during their impending sleepover. She systematically listed what they could do together and what was off-limits. I was relieved to hear this, and I also felt a confused frustration coming from Mr. Man in my passenger’s seat. As I turned into the dirt parking lot of the Saloon, I said to Vanessa in a playful stage whisper, “He touched my knee! He touched my knee!” I heard and felt Mr. Man shift quick and sharp in his passenger’s seat, as he said out loud to himself “Now, I am confused.” I never figured out what he meant. Was it possible that he had no ideas that he had touched my knee?

photo collage, cougar, lust, sex, affair, attraction, infatuation, fantasy
I knew I couldn’t trust my mind that was proving unreliable under the intoxicating influence of my reckless body.

When we did say goodbye, he said, “I really had a great time with you
tonight,” as I reached down to hug him. As his arms reached out from his blanket jacket and around my waist I said, “I would invite you over for breakfast, but that is only a couple of hours from now.”

I saw his face shadowed by the darkness, while tinted with the artificial lights around us. I saw longing in his expression, though it could have been his exhaustion. Tin-Man hugged me and in the first serious tone I heard all night, he said “It was so nice to meet you, it was really fun.” As the three of them were about to enter Mr. Man’s car, I said to Finesse, “Can you him my phone number” I felt my arm flex as I pointed in his direction as if there were several choices available and he was the winner. As soon as the words came out, I realized what I had said and when I asked myself why I had made this gesture, I did not have an answer. Whatever I was doing was of my own free will, yet I felt like I was relinquishing control to a force outside of me. I honestly felt like I was under the mysterious spell of the hi-desert breezes whispering subliminal messages in my ear.

affair, cougar, confusion, temptation, lust, attraction
My vivid imagination played like a movie…..

I arrived home just after 5am and my mind was racing about everything that had happened. The tailspin in my mind provided no clarity or answers. I had been touched Mr. Man, in a variety of ways, but this did not change him being young enough to be my offspring. As I settled down to go to sleep, amid text message exchanges checking in with Finesse, I found a text from Mr. Man. He addressed me and announced himself, then said “…I really had a great time with you and I hope we can do it again real soon..” Given the time between our goodbye and this moment, he must have sent this message to me the moment he dropped off Finesse and Tin-Man. Finesse told me later that he had referred to me as “really cool” and asked for my phone number before he drove away from Tin-Man’s apartment. As I looked at his text, my heart spun and the centrifugal forces caused a subtle vibration in my chest that caused my nipples to tingle to the point of feeling a sharp sensation. My finger was on a button, sensitive to the touch, yet I kept it there simply because it felt good.

Knowing I was acting on my own free will, but still feeling as if I was under a bizarre spell, I replied to the text with “me too.” As I tried to fall asleep, I asked myself why I would say this when I was resigned to not give into the attraction that transpired.

cougar, sex, dating, romantic encounter, attraction, lust, infatuation, leg, Mrs. Robinson, photo collage
Not even the crowd, all around me, distilled his penetrating gaze.

Despite the message being short and simple I read it several times. As I tried to fall asleep, aware of the sun coming up just outside my window, my mind raced with graphic fantasies of Mr. Man. My body could not help but stir restlessly amid fantasies of the unique shape of his body fitting right into mine like a hand entering a perfect fitting warm glove. My vivid imagination played like a movie picturing his absent leg and how the sensations of his odd and unique body shape, might feel. Despite a long life of a wide variety of unusual experiences, the feeling of a deformed body would be a first for me.

As the sun graced Valentine’s Day morning, I finally fell asleep as my fantasies created a spiral effect in my brain and spread throughout my entire body. I woke up around 1pm and checked in with Finesse allowing me to temporality escape my drama as I listened to her. She was at Tin-Man’s house with her dog and they had spent an innocent, above the waist night, together. By this time she was claiming to hope for things to work out with her co-habitant who had brutally dumped her. My frustration over her ability to forgive him, for all of his cumulative misdeeds, in magical Hi-Desert, sunsets in the California Hi-Desert, attraction, dating, friends, music, dancingaddition to this cruel abandonment proved to be a distraction. By this time, I was also embarrassed at what had happened only hours prior, events that were fully transparent in the honest light of the midday sun. At the same time her sleepover with Tin-Man was also experiencing full sun. During our phone call Finesse was walking her dog, while looking for a place to eat outside Tin-Man’s apartment. As we spoke, literally, Tin-Man was with an impromptu female visitor bearing a Valentine Card.

On my side of town, the other half of Finesse’s drama had just darkened my front door, disrupting my thoughts of Mr. Man I was unable to escape in sleep. An unfamiliar car pulled in front of my house, while I was still in my nightshirt. I saw that it was Finesse’s boyfriend, who had dumped her, his face distorted by the sunlight making my face feel hot. When I realized who he was my face got hotter as I demanded, “What are you doing here?” I heard how angry I was in the tone of my voice and felt it on my tongue as I spoke. He wanted to know where Finesse was and reasoned that he was worried. To avoid more anger, I looked over at the car and saw Finesse’s mother in the driver’s seat, therefore I had no choice but to keep my cool. The awkward situation forced me to make up a scenario that everyone would believe, without lying, withholding the details since Finesse had every right to be anywhere she wished. I told them not to worry about her that I had just communicated with her. No one was satisfied and insisted on knowing where she was. I mentioned that we were together until 4:30 am and that she went to a friend’s house with her dog and would be back later. My words did little to diffuse the imposed drama. It was like they blamed me for her not being at my house.

I mentioned this to Finesse who had communicated with everyone via text messages earlier. Mr. Man and Tin-Man would be taking her back to J&Ps place. She notified me later that Mr. Man had seemed really sad. I had not amputee sex, aging woman, 21, affair, lust, sex, fantasy, infatuation, obsession, dreams, Valentine's Dayrejected him yet, though I had intended to send him a “Dear John” text at some point that day. I feared that if I waited too long I might change my mind. I knew I couldn’t trust my mind that was proving unreliable under the intoxicating influence of my reckless body.

Cougar in the Hunt Part 5: Cruel Light of Day

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Cougar in the Hunt 3: Here’s to You Mrs. Robinson

animal medicine, animal spirit, the universe, companion animals, astronomy, stars, desert sky

Continuing story of Cougar in the Hunt 2: Did You Really Say 21?

Having a companion rabbit is a magic that creates an incredible life balance. My Galaxy leaves me wanting for very little. Galaxy’s unique wisdom of the universe and many ages past, provides remarkable insights that would otherwise be hard to realize.

Is the power of intense attraction a force of nature or a force to be reckoned with? As empowered, free, a liberated women, how do we balance personal discretion and our myriad of choices?

Appreciation from a suitor, especially with a broken heart, is intoxicating and for me this reach was far beyond addiction. It was a rip-current literally pulling my body further out to sea. Swimming against the power of this current, for the rest of the evening to follow, was exhausting.

As the experienced adult in the situation, I kept the door to physical and personal intimacy locked with a dead bolt. Throughout the night, Mr. Man tried any number of keys in the hopes that one would fit and he could finally unlock the barrier keeping him from having me. Unrealistic promises were spread out like a royal rug at my feet with him on his knees eager to kiss and caress them.

Had I been in my early 20s the night I met Mr. Man I would have been fully taken in by these overtures. Mr. Man was not taking me anywhere, since I knew better, at least not by these means.

signature Mrs. Robinson leg, cougar, 21, lust, attraction, affair, 40, sexuality after 50
….. the skin of the palm of his hand and his fingers wrapped around the skin of my knee……

He continued to verbally corner me with his desire to be physically closer to me by inquiry. The Tin-Man and Finesse were displaying their affections out in the open. Their public physical displays were not vulgar or offensive, just not within my personal comfort zone. The intensity of his eye contact was impossible to miss or escape, as it followed me with skill and precision.
The only time he took his penetrating green eyes off of me, was the moments when he was observing Tin-Man and Finesse across the coffee table. Clearly, Mr. Man looked to the Tin-Man actions for guidance.

“Why can’t we be like they are?” His voice reverberated eagerness, longing, hope, and least of all, a question  I didn’t know if he wanted to be in bed with me or wanted to put his hands on me to navigate a future encounter. The alcohol and the hour of the night continued to wear me down, not to his explicit desires, but to my ability to discourage him or divert the conversation. All I could say was a few broken words that I know I could have articulated better.
“They have known each other for years. You and I just met” There was no way he could dispute my logic, though he would negotiate with a solid strong will.
Determined to negotiate my terms he began, “We are-” Sharply cutting him off I said, “…talking, just as we ought to be. There is nothing wrong with that.” He had already characterized himself and me as “we.” 

For all his bold and explicit verbal expressions, he did not make a single physical advance, covertly or otherwise. He didn’t manipulate me or anyone else in an effort to trap me into being alone with him. All advances were verbal and while he was manipulative with words, the only physical overture was sitting shoulder to shoulder with me.  

affair, cougar, 21, transition, reflection, regret, denial, infatuation, conquest, lust
Somehow, if he could captivate me in the dark of the predawn maybe the sun wouldn’t take me away from him.

Earlier that evening, I made it clear to him that I did not like cigarette smoke. He had said he would throw his entire pack out for me, though I did not believe him. He got up from the couch, where we were sitting together and excused himself to go outside and smoke. Of course I let my disdain show, so he repeated his willingness to throw out the pack, but this time with a condition, “What am going to get?” as if my body was the bargaining chip for his ability to save his own life. I couldn’t dignify this with an answer not just because it was absurd, but also because I wasn’t prepared to even consider all that he wanted. His direct communication was beginning to get obtrusive and I was feeling the pressure.

When he returned, the smell made it hard for me to breathe given that he reclaimed his position, right next to me our shoulder touching. I got up to plug-in my phone that was running low on battery and showed him more photos. The air coming in from the wide open door of the J&P’s studio distilled the nicotine smell that was making it difficult to breathe so my affair, cougar, confusion, temptation, lust, attractioninhibitions were relaxed and relatively balanced. For some reason I was opening my personal life to him by showing him family photos including baby pictures. I opened Facebook infant photos most of which included my eldest sister, at six, followed by a current photo of her. I took the built-in opportunity to point out the contrast between my nearly identical mother and sister due to my mother’s chain-smoking. He was touched by the photos of me as an infant and the sight of my artwork photos raised the level of his infatuation.

At some point we went outside for fresh air where we continued to talked as I coughed.

“You don’t have to cough. You don’t like it, I get it.”

“It isn’t that. I grew up with a chain smoker who never opened windows, so I have chronic health issue and sensitivity. Even the resin on walls or clothes makes it hard to breath.” I went on to intimate to him that I watched my mother cough up chunks of green mucus at least once a day. His face was pensive and tried to express as much empathy as his lack of experience could accommodate. He also looked suspicious that I was trying to manipulate him, weakening his resolve to claim my body in exchange for nicotine abstinence. When I told him I was getting chilly he followed me back inside and we took our place on the couch.

With the prospect of morning drawing near he widened his tired eyes and adjusted his position to deepen his contact with my eyes, as if he could magically be permitted to touch me by hypnosis. His green eyes scanned my face as if they could capture me and carry me away. Somehow, if he could captivate me in the dark of the predawn maybe the sun wouldn’t take me away from him.
Eyes penetrating me he persisted, “So? What are we doing?”

“We are talking,” I replied with an authority that sounded weaker in my fatigue.

“You know what I mean?” He said with a frustrated tone that he tried to soften with a growling whisper. My only ally was the strength of my adrenalin.

“At this stage in my life,” I said, trying to remind him of my advanced age, “I can’t afford to be impetuous,” He asked me to define impetuous, as if this was the golden key that would let him enter. I explained the word impetuous and he needed more so I said “Being impetuous is my nature, but I have learned to control it and use discretion.” He repeated my words back to himself as if he needed greater clarity. I knew I needed to tell him there was no way anything would happen, but my impetuous-attention-craving early 20s were creeping back in such a subtle manner, that I didn’t notice. Part of me enjoyed the attention that was constant when I was in my early 20s and the other part of me was exhausted. The other part of me might have felt it was far too obtrusive, but there was no question I had the upper hand and he was enslaved to his desires for me. He wasn’t satisfied, so he pretended to need more explanation and I knew he was young, yes, stupid no. I tried a subtle diversion tactic. Again calling attention to the severe gap in our stages of life. “When I was 19, 20, and 21 I was wild…” I was cut off by his face lighting up, like a second wind, so I hastened my tone. “…I was reckless and very impetuous. I only got away with it because I was so young; I would never live through the things that I did then at this stage in my life.” He turned forward, reflectively, though not willing to concede. I continued “I believe, rather I know that there are special angels that work overtime for young people since they don’t know better.” He was impressed with my thoughtful expression and ability to articulate and while fully attentive to everything I was saying, he was not distracted from his acquisition.

As our gathering neared 4am, I asked him if he was tired, suggesting it was time to leave. I warned Mr. Man that Finesse would be slow-moving getting to the car. While we got ready to leave J&P’s after party, something happened, shattering the only resolve I had been clinging to the entire evening. Regardless of how flattering the overt attention felt, I had to be equally resigned to the reality that he was only 21.

affair, obsession, infatuation, regret, mistakes, infatuation

As Mr. Man rose from being sunk down into the couch with me all of my resolve was shattered in an instant.

Once he was sitting fully upright, the palm of  Mr. Man’s calloused hand landed on my knee. The skin of his palm touched my knee cap and each finger fell and wrapped around my knee. As his skin touch mine and a I felt the his grip an ignited desire traveled through my leg and to my pelvis. With his touch, I felt my stomach tighten reaching up to grip my chest as my entire leg trembled, though motionless, steadied under the weight of his grip. Clearly, it was unintentional, given that the entire evening he had not tried, even covertly, to force physical contact with me. While his forceful words were an overt expression of want of physical contact with me, this was the only time he actually put a hand on me. In this moment, the whole situation shifted from a clear logical decision to do what is right to complicated and compelling temptation. There was no denying that his hand on me caused me to feel strong sensations and the situation would no longer be a simple discretion. As of that moment, the struggle between the wisdom of my mind and the desires of my body would begin.

cougar, abstract photo collage, Mrs. Robinson leg, lust , infatuation, sex, affair, 21, older woman, menopause
As the desert sky turn the room dark, he stared down at me, silently…

Cougar in The Hunt Part 4: Here’s to You Mrs. Robinson 


As a woman over 40, pushing 50, I have created this blog for the purposed of using my writing skills to create something especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit.

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Temperance and The Devil Part 3: Dancing in His Eyes

“She looked me right in the eye and matter of fact thick Guatemalan accent replied “Yes, of course he does, he likes you, he thinks you are gorgeous…..”

Below is the continuing story of Temperance and the Devil Part 2

Tricia swung the door open amid this cliffhanger and I begged for more information. As it happened, Tricia had moved our friends to the other side of the bar to leave the two of us alone, while still maintaining a clear view of the drama unfolding between myself and Mr. Wonderful. Love was in the air and it was hijacking my soul.

Joshua trees, desert sky, mojave desert, landers breweryMy heart had become its own planet spinning on its axis too fast for me to feel the floor beneath me. I still don’t know how I kept my balance, especially to the point of dancing the night away with the girls, as Mr. Wonderful watched. This was the first time, since moving back to Southern California that advances towards me made me feel good as opposed to nauseous. There was a strong sensation in my stomach under the weight of my heart, twirling on its axis and beating at the same time. I was overwhelmed and my head spun in the opposite direction of my heart, trying to process everything.

My heart, dormant for nearly twenty years, saw all the warning signs, every red flag was waving and expanding in the desert winds. I made futile attempts to protect myself and built a strong fortress around my heart, yet the power poised to carry my heart away was stronger force than even the hi-desert winds.

As I danced with my girls he leaned against a pillar, watching the band or so I thought. Patricia insisted that he did not take his eyes off me and that she had never seen him look at anyone the way he looked at me. As he looked into my eyes, his eyes danced bright and clear, just as my body had been dancing on the hardwood floor most of the night.

Knowing he saw this outing as a date, I attempted to get to know him while letting him pursue me. I told him I was under the influence of aliens, not just the drinks he bought for me. love, romance, attraction, encounter, date, music, dancing, brewery, night sky, stars, friendship

I notice a young woman with her jacket tied to her waist. There was a bright yellow design on the jacket appearing on her behind. I mentioned the apparition to Mr.Wonderful and insisted that he look at her back side. He refused, as he kept full eye contact with me. I persisted until he said, “I am here with you, I am not going to look at another woman.” His words seared into my heart like a flame igniting a rapid pace and blood flow that surged through my entire body. Despite this magical sensation in my heart, I was determined not to get swept away and over the cliff on which I was dancing .
I took “selfies” and sent them to Finesse, since she couldn’t be there with all of us. I took a photo of me and Mr. Wonderful. The expression on his face, the childlike hope on Christmas morning, spoke volumes. I kicked off one of my Birkenstocks to show him wrinkles of age on my feet. Without acknowledging my aging foot, he stroked the back of my calf while smiling at me. Galaxy wasn’t on my lap so there could be no wondering if Mr. Wonderful was touching me by accident and he had not consumed any alcohol. The veil was lifted and my heart was coming to life after years of dormancy. This was one of the moments when my heart and my mind were in unison.
The band continued to play, I continued to dance, and Mr. Wonderful continued to watch my every move. I sat with him while resting from my dance floor exploits. As I danced with the girls, knowing Mr. Wonderful was watching I overtly fought off drunken young men hitting on me, as a consideration to Mr. Wonderful courting me in this unanticipated date. This was not my usual carefree style..
My surrender to Mr. Wonderful was also clear when I was outside with Melanie, while he was still inside. We have a rock band in our circles all of whom love Galaxy.  The rock video for the memorial day concert included video footage of Galaxy. One of the guitar players from this rock band approached me. I have always had a weakness for rock guitar guys and I admired him for his energetic performances that defied his age of nearly 60. Not only do I enjoy watching him on him on stage, I also like talking with him. He is one of Galaxy’s many fans. He asked me where Galaxy was and I responded by saying he was at home because I was afraid the band might be too loud. I felt the force of Mr. Wonderful, as I talked to this Sexy-Galaxy-Loving-Guitar-Player, as if the desert wind was actually pulling me back to him. Indeed I was on a date, given my feelings of loyalty were already developing.
I actually was missing Galaxy, though the wisdom of my remarkable bunny was ever-present and real. Thoughts about the warm look in Mr. Wonderful’s eyes as I showed him all the photos of Galaxy; how he petted him just an hour later at the same event; how at Jason’s birthday party he stroked my arm while petting Galaxy, possibly not by accident; How Galaxy stretched his neck out to Mr. Wonderful’s lap and bonked him with his nose and made kind gestures towards him as only a bunny can. Mr. Wonderful met with Galaxy’s approval and here he was proclaiming to be there with me, making it clear that his eyes were looking at me and no one else.
During the evening Mr. Wonderful went outside only once. The bass player’s wife, as part of our female bonding girl fun, motioned to me that Mr. Wonderful was outside smoking. Without speaking a word we went into the doorway, arm and arm, to give Mr. Wonderful a look. He headed back inside, as if called to duty, and swiped my nose with the tip of his index finger. I was in trouble, in deed, and everyone knew it.
I was dancing not only in his eager blue eyes, but I was also dancing into love. Every pirouette, every gyrations of my hips, every movement of chest played like a movie in his eyes, blinded to anything or anyone else in view. As I moved to the sensual quality of the music, every one of my heart beats created a vibration in my breasts that radiated throughout my body. I could feel his heart beating from across the room, in sync with my every move with a force of every star in the Galaxy.
I had not felt so much love, in so long. His intoxicating stares trumped any alcohol left in my system. My heart and mind were in a battle confronting my fears. He had moved back to Joshua Tree so recently and had only left for Lake Elsewhere for a relationship that he was clearly still grieving. Where did I fit into this equation and would I be left in the cold?
After the band played their last song, last call drinks reaching the bottom of clinking glasses, and the salutations of bar guests of all kinds taking place throughout the room, Melanie sat down in “her chair” beside me, opposite Mr. Wonderful. Our landing party had come full circle, I felt pride and warm feelings having both of my dates, once again, on either side of me. The three of us collectively decided that we were ready go home and Melanie offered to drive. Knowing she wanted to contribute something, I handed her the keys that Mr. Wonderful had playfully grabbed from me the entire evening. Again, Mr. Wonderful took a backseat to our newfound sisterhood. Just as he had done on the way to the brewery, Mr. Wonderful stayed quiet while Melanie and I talked.

Joshua Tree, night sky, music friends, dance, romantic encounter, Landers, California Hi-Desert
Original photo by Candice Silsby

We pulled up to Melanie’s house and as the gentleman he was, Mr. Wonderful got out of the car to say goodbye and tell her he enjoyed meeting her, as he hugged her. I didn’t think my heart would melt anymore to his kindness and yet it was warm and soft as I watched his arms wrapped around her illuminated by the light of the moon on her bare alabaster arm. When Mr. Wonderful returned to the car, he sat in the passenger’s seat. At the moment, I had no idea just what that action meant. I was clueless to the potential disaster that might have occurred as a result of my handing him my keys, while insisting that he had promised to drive us home. Clearly taking my keys and putting himself in the driver’s seat meant that he was more swept away by what I wanted, then my welfare or his. At the time I had no clue, all I knew was that I was scared of what was happening and no lack of alcohol could have made it safe for me to drive.
Even though I did not bring my beloved Galaxy to the brewery in Landers, the universe and the night sky were a strong force, setting the stage for the unmistakable connection Mr. Wonderful and I were feeling and silently expressing. Our actions were subtle, but the emotions were intense as the universe itself. Had I not been aware of the laws of physics, I may have thought that the blue-black of the sky, illuminating by the stars, a sacred atmosphere created just for us.
As he drove us off of the dirt road where Melanie lived I did not speak that much and decided to reveal that I was capable of silence. More than anything I was in deep thought about what had happened, while anticipating what I knew was happening and above all what would happen upon our arrival to my house. I thought about the good night kiss that was inevitable as I struggle to steady my trembling body.

Temperance and the Devil Part 4

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Cougar in the Hunt Part 2: Did You Really Say 21?

The following is Part 2 of Cougar In the Hunt
cougar, 21-year-old-male, lust, dating, infatuation, romantic encounter, middle aged female sexuality, romantic encounter
“At least a corner of one of his eyes would be fixed on every portion of my body as the minutes after midnight became hours”

By way of some mystery guy code, a fresh drink was placed on the table in front of me. Tin-Man and Mr. Man collectively offered to finance another margarita and simultaneously jumped up once they convinced me to accept. When confronted with the initial offer, my response was that I was driving, therefore I could not drink anymore. Mr. Man’s quick response offered a multitude of answers to my dilemma. He would drive me home; he would take me wherever I wanted to go; he would ensure that I made it home safe, and above all I was in his sober and capable hands. Finesse interjected a response to Mr. Man’s heroism by mentioning that we were invited to go to J&P’s for our usual after party. Mr. Man turned her way for the information and then turned his head back in an instant to fixate once again on my face. With soft questioning eyes, he said “If that is where you are going, then that is where I am going. I will go anywhere you are going. No matter where it is, if you will be there, I will be there.”

As Mr. Man made his declarations, including the promise to be my designated driver, Finesse giggled with hysterics at his direct, poignant, and bold pursuit of me. In this moment, she dubbed me a cougar and made wild cat noises while flapping her hand, like a paw, at me. As the tequila portion of my margarita singed my tongue in passing, I felt the soils of the cliff’s edge crumble beneath me, gravity pulling my body further down towards an unknown abyss. Even souzed, one of my closest friends noticed how enamored Mr. Man was, in my presence, clear as day, in the dark desert night. How could I deny this infatuation knocking my equilibrium off its axis?

To regain my balance, I responded by suggesting the four of us head over to J&P’s place in one car. Within the corners of my mind, I reasoned that Finesse and Tin-Man were at least one safety net in addition to all of our other friends. I felt the pulling motion of my entire person swept up into something that I was not given the time or opportunity to fully assess before being carried away by the whirlwind.

10881626_1381096982192956_237500888385919287_nFor the rest of the show, at least one of Mr. Man’s eyes would be fixed on every portion of my body, as the minutes after midnight became hours. The table the four of us shared was far from the dance floor, yet as Finesse and I were dancing, my body felt the undertow of Mr. Man’s eyes hinged on my every move. Not even the crowd, all around me, distilled his penetrating gaze. This could have caused an unsettling discomfort, in my chest, had it not been so honest and for all intent and purpose harmless. The band played their last songs, as Tin-Man and I finished our drinks clinking our glasses together between swigs.

female sexuality mid-life, lust, sex, attraction, cougar, 21-year-old, sexual choice, single,
“His eyes remained wide, like he was afraid I would disappear or get away if he blinked”

As Mr. Man and I continued to talk, while I drank, he kept a firm grasp on my every word as if every phrase was a life-preserver. His eyes remained wide, like he was afraid I would disappear or escape if he blinked.

As our conversation continued and his fascination grew, I noticed a deformity in his right hand. Instead of asking if he injured his hand or if the malady is birth defect, I found myself telling him every detail of my hand injury, as if I knew I would be fully understood. Despite how young he was, there was no doubt he related to my limitations and even proved himself an authority.

Camouflaged in his blanket jacket, he had half an arm with half a hand. The temptation to touch it overwhelmed my still hands, though I didn’t, since I did not care to patronize him or make any physical overtures he could interpret as sexual. The truth is, I find deformities fascinating. Anatomical differences, such as his, are like rare art, beautiful and intriguing, something unique, and sacred to behold. I am certain this is why I found him compelling despite his age.
affair, cougar, confusion, temptation, lust, attractionMy heart warmed from typical winter frigid to tepid, as I looked into his wide eyes and examined his disfigured body, while trying to be subtle and not seductive. In an effort to cool my warming heart, I continued to force logic and reality, into my mind, regarding his age.

I could feel so many of my firm beliefs erode, like the crumbling cliff below my unsteady and trembling feet. My enjoyment of Mr. Man, his countenance, and our conversation did not irritate me as it should have given that he was only 21. At this stage of my life, I find people in their early 20s, especially male, irritating. He neither annoyed or caused irritation.
As the alcohol seared my already spinning cerebellum, I tried to focus on the fact that he had only recently reached adulthood. In juxtaposition, with this brand new adult, was my adulthood spanning longer than his entire life. If this night had happened only four years earlier, he would not even be able to consent to the desires he was expressing with blunt and candid conviction. Looking at his driver’s license and learning that underage IDs are now vertical instead of horizontal, should have been a jolt more powerful than anything, but he did not take his eyes off me long enough for me to notice.
photo collage, cougar, lust, sex, affair, attraction, infatuation, fantasy

Blinding myself to the obvious fact that he appeared, dressed, and acted 21 was impossible. At the same time I never tried to justify my attraction to him with any absurd cliques like ‘mature for his age,’ or ‘he and I spiritually the same age.’ I could never live in the sort of denial that would enable me to lie to myself in this manner.

Nonetheless, I was caught off guard; In my world, I don’t enjoy keeping company with anyone younger than 40 other than family. Anyone in my life under 40 is either family, or the offspring of my peers. I could not  escape reality; this young man was young enough to be my son. My nephew, the closest person to a son of mine, was only two years younger. I could not imagine bringing any relationship with a 21-year-old to my family.

Even in an inebriated state, there was no denying these facts in my mind. My body, at this point, had no idea what would happen and the eruptive sensations yet to come.
mrsrobinson (1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

As a woman over 40, pushing 50, have created this blog for the purpose of using my writing skills to create something especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit.

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Temperance and the Devil: Back to the CA Desert

Part 1 of the Story That Inspired It Happened That Night

The story of Mr. Wonderful, began as one of Finesse’s routine help-a-friend-projects. Finesse has a knack for networking and drawing resources together when someone is in need. She posted on Facebook that a friend of hers was leaving Lake Elsewhere and returning to our beautiful desert community of the insane.

My new-found friends were part of a larger pack of artists, creatives, and musicians most of whom are over 40. As characteristic of the magic of the high-desert, I had my own “fab-4” myself, Christa, Trisha, and Finesse accompanied, most of the time, by my bunny Galaxy. Galaxy is an integral part of the pack and Christa, Trisha, and Finesse often think of him as my infant given his similar needs.
Pioneer Town California, Grateful Dead-Revival Band, musicians, music, dance, movie set, old westMy friend and our pack, were in the midst of a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, filled with the magic of pure friendship and fun. Finesse, Galaxy, and I set out for Pioneertown to see our Grateful Dead revival band play. We piled in the car like young groupies, laughing the entire trip through every twist and turn of the windy desert road all the way to Pioneertown. Upon arrival, we were welcomed by all of our friend’s gathered on the soundstage where the band was playing. Our “pack” had relocated for the day, to the wondrous splendor of this bizarre place, where so many old westerns were once filmed.

The day after our adventure to Pioneertown was the Memorial Day Concert. True to the characteristic oddity of the hi-desert, the all day outdoor concert took place in the Joshua Tree cemetery. My pack was gathered around the speakers, which was too loud for Galaxy, so I stayed in the upper portion of the cemetery with the families.

Throughout the day, we talked to strategize a plan to bring Mr. Wonderful to Joshua Tree. We imagined a fun road trip in my car, but I didn’t have enough gas for the trip. Finesse had arranged a place for Mr. Wonderful to live that at the time seemed like the perfect situation. Mr. Treeman, the new roommate, ended up making the trip to Lake Elsewhere to pick up Mr. Wonderful.

I asked Finesse what her friend and former resident of Joshua Tree was doing in Lake Elsewhere in the first place. She said he relocated to Lake Elsewhere for a relationship, but because it ended he wanted to come home. My immediate thought was how absurd is was to relocate just for a relationship, something I would never do. If only I had known that this would be a major factor in my future pains. 
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The magic of the weekend kept going as if it would never end. The day after our Memorial Day Concert the band gave another performance.  This was a nice intimate performance at a charity meal. As the first to arrive at the charity dinner, I met one of the coordinators who was a kind and gorgeous man. Before long, I became both lost and found in our conversation and in his soulful eyes. He was exactly the kind of man I was dreaming of meeting. He was gentle, soft-spoken, long hair going grey, wonderful life experiences, and a long resume of social justice activities. The way he looked at me made me feel beautiful and I was in the best possible state to radiate this beauty throughout the room. This radiant glow would be the catalyst for so many things yet to happen.

Mr. Treeman delivered Mr.Wonderful to this event, to meet up with Finesse. Mr. Wonderful and Finesse had a long history of close friendship.  Finesse introduced me to Mr. Wonderful and his eyes shifted gently at the sight of me. I noticed, right away, the crystalline sparkle of his blue eyes, like the way a stream glistens in the sun as it sets. Compelled by some force of my nature, I immediately showed him pictures of my rabbit on my smart phone. Galaxy wasn’t with me, though I was wishing I had brought him. Mr. Wonderful’s response, though not verbal, was positive. I could see the enthusiasm over my rabbit in his eyes and he put his glasses to view the images of Galaxy clearly.

Throughout the evening Finesse took pictures of the ever-changing desert sky that was in the onset of dusk and clouds indicative of a storm. The desert sky is a magical splendor. Mr. Wonderful was in and out of these outdoor gatherings and he seemed reflective as he viewed the sky’s activities.

When I went into the kitchen to see if there was something that I could do to help, the other coordinator, a lady, snapped bitterly at me, which hurt my feelings. Shortly after this odd encounter, I missed Galaxy and became compelled to get inside my car and drive; I went home and scooped up Galaxy and brought him back to the gathering, which by then, was winding down. Galaxy was in his sling and Mr. Wonderful did not hesitate to pet him while catching my eyes as much as possible. The sky, closer to the dark of night in appearance was still a sight that was collectively being savored. Mr. Wonderful mentioned to Finesse that he was going over to the Joshua saloon to meet up with Mr. Treeman.

After vying for attention from the beautiful man, for which I was smitten, I realized that he was likely in a partnership with the lady, who had been so mean to me for seemingly no reason, earlier when I had gone into the kitchen. I found out about a month later that they are actually married.
photo collage, dreams, reflections, wishes, desires, possibilities, romance, love, friendship, gathering

Before I left the church for home,  I noticed by smartphone alert that Mr. Wonderful wasted no time sending me a friend invite on Facebook. He must have “friend-ed” me at the Saloon or the moment Mr. Treeman took him to the hobble where he would be staying. I accepted without much thought. Since joining the pack, friend invites had been constant, so it didn’t surprise me that he took this initiative though it was instantaneous.

In the weeks that followed Mr. Wonderful, in the Facebook world, seemed to be two steps ahead and behind me much of the time. I posted pictures he would be the first to “like.” I would RSVP for an event, he would RSVP seconds later. He had rsvp for a show with the band at the saloon, but like many events he didn’t actually show. I got several pokes from him, though I didn’t notice them when they were sent to me. 

Joshua Tree, native birds, nesting, wildlife habitat, animal love
“Each time I posted any animal photos, he was always the first to “like.”

In the following weeks Mr. Wonderful shared the aftermath of this breakup openly, on Facebook, all of which compelled to reach out to him. He posted a candid request that he needed a diversion and could we apprise him of local events to fill the void. I thought of an article I had written years before called “The Big-Bad Break-Up” which is about  filling the gap a relationship can leave behind. Feeling compassion, I responded with all of the wonderful activities that had been my salvation when I moved to Joshua Tree not knowing anyone at all. I included commentary on what I thought he would like and even offered to accompany him. What he might be thinking about these gestures is not something I thought about or considered.

At Christa’s son Mason’s luau birthday party, Mr. Wonderful appeared out of nowhere. I sat down next to him with Galaxy on my lap. He was quick to affection with Galaxy, who perked his curious rabbit ears and reach his twitching nose forward in response. As he stoked Galaxy,  part of his hand grazed my armed, gentle and amorous, sending a warm sensation through my body as my elevated heartbeat reverberated on my chest. I wasn’t sure if this was intentional, so I assumed it wasn’t. What surprised me is how much his touch affected me, not to mention how his connecting with Galaxy touched my spirit.

party, fate, romance, friends, gathering, love, encounter, attraction, night sky, house rabbits
“You noticed?” he said as his eyes widened like a child on Christmas morning….

While making clumsy conversation with Mr. Wonderful, unaware that I was lost in his eyes and disarmed by his touch,  I mentioned the band playing at the saloon the previous weekend, how he had posted an rsvp, but didn’t attend the show.  His glassy blue eyes widened and he looked stunned as he asked, “You noticed?”  His
tone of voice and the look in his widened eyes was just like a little kid who finally received the shiny new red bike, his heart desired, on Christmas morning. In this same outdoor venture, I moved about to dodge cigarette smoke, I also talked with a stunning woman who was intrigued and deeply touched by Galaxy and by Galaxy and I. Under the clueless impression that Mr. Wonderful liked this lady, I opted to get out-of-the-way by repairing back to the living room to be with Finesse, Tricia, and Christa. The next time I looked outside, Mr. Wonderful had disappeared, perhaps somewhere in the desert night.

Desert Diva and Her Infinite Galaxy

Temperance and The Devil, Part 2

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Cougar In The Hunt: Moments

He said to me “…Immaturity is a burden,” and that he was….

In just a MOMENT

cougar, sex, dating, romantic encounter, attraction, lust, infatuation, leg, Mrs. Robinson, photo collage
Not even the crowd, all around me, distilled his penetrating gaze. “
a young person, unexpectedly crashed into my world,
for a moment
In  just a moment, a young person was under a spell I never cast
In just a moment a young person was hypnotized lost in the moment, with me
In a moment he fell down to my feet,
For a Moment, a young person ignited an impulsive fire and impetuous spirit in me….
For a moment, a young person promised me
the moon and the stars,
his everlasting devotion,
to serenade me in the dark of night,
I did not believe it for a moment,..but for a moment I believed that he believed…..
For a moment, I believed in this young person
For a moment, I believed that for at least a moment, I could
Believe
For a moment a young person helped me to live in the moment,
sharing fleeting moments with me.
For a moment, this young person showed me a kind of courage rarely seen in young people.
For a moment, I forgot what is wrong and remembered everything that is right
for a moment
For a moment I let a young person near
and in a single moment I wished I hadn’t
In a moment he said that ‘immaturity is a burden’
and in just a moment a burden he became
For a moment, this young person forced a painful reminder of how confusing, turbulent, unstable, and traumatic my 20s were
how betrayed I felt, so often, as a developing woman, so much of the time…
For a moment, my very life was suddenly forced into a time machine, that hijacked my soul back to that tough stage of compulsive drama and heartache,
revolving mistakes I could never comprehend,
mistakes repeating, repeating, repeating,
constantly spinning through my head and my heart,
through a vast time and space…never knowing my place.
cougar, lust, encounter, attraction, infatuation, admiration, menopause, aging women and sexuality
“…..he said immaturity is a burden, and a burden he was…”
For a moment I was lost to everything I have struggled to be and became everything I am and stand for.as a woman.
For a moment, I cried for the naive, unsure, and vulnerable young woman I once was,
the scarred girl wearing her trauma,

like a brooch piercing her heart.

a lifetime ago….
moments.
#Mrs.Robinson #cougar #cub #lust
Now
In THIS moment, here and now, I am more happy than I ever thought, to have left so many painful moments, my 20s, behind forever-ago.
In THIS moment, I am wise, enlightened, and fully aware that my 20s are not only past, but that I will never have to pass that way again.
In this moment, I will look to myself and how glad I am for me and will look to all future moments when I will grow older and better
till I meet my next life.
And….at this moment, I will be grateful for what this young person revealed to me,
in a just a moment,#cougar #Mrs.Robinson #lust #infatuation #21 #menopause #singlewomanover40

The Desert Diva

The “In Just a Moment” Story: Cougar In The Hunt 

As a woman over 40, pushing 50, have created this blog for the purposed of using my writing skills to create something Shop For Jewelry, Clothing And More To Help Rescue Animals!especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit.

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Cougar in The Hunt Part 1

Below is the story that inspired In Just A Moment:

In the blinding haze of the preceding story, I am less able to comprehend why so many mature women have taken part in the cougar mythology. After playing cougar, for five minutes, I can say I did not experience the wild adrenaline of a predator on the hunt or the euphoria of capturing prey. Instead, I felt like a wild cougar, preyed upon, in a canned hunt.
sepiaIt was after midnight and the band was midway through their final set. While celebrating love and life in all its purest forms, the night transformed into Valentine’s day. At this point I could not anticipate the drama was including me as a key player.

I am not sure when or how the saga began. What I can say, with factual conviction, is that I sat down on a bar bench next to a nondescript stranger, across from my friend Finesse, who was sitting next to her friend Tin-Man. Finesse’s friend, Tin-Man sat across from his friend who, at the hand of a bizarre fate, sat next to me. Finesse’s friend The Tin-Man said, “My buddy here needs a hug” With these words, I looked to the left at the figure seated beside me with scruffy golden brown hair and a blanket-like wool jacket. I wrapped an arm around it, to hug it, with little thought. When I let go, he turned toward me and in an instant a pair of green eyes, wide as canyons, were looking deep into mine. I could see a baby deer caught in headlights combined with the eye shift indicative of immediate attraction. That is how I met the young buck, Mr. Man and how I transformed into a veracious feline.

As I showed Mr. Man a video of my rabbit Galaxy, whatever had been wrong with him disappeared in the infinite desert night as he ventured into the land of me. Engaging him in conversation took little to no effort which was odd. His wide-eyed naiveté displayed great appreciation for my talents and accomplishments.

Throughout our initial encounter, Mr. Man was quick to fire blunt and uncensored expressions of attraction and desire for me that seared through my body too rapid for me to put up defences. The odd connection sparked something in me while at the same time my sense of better judgement kept me anchored though inside I was spinning. In the midst of this strange encounter, my hot flashes imploded. As the heat surged through my body and the sweet travel through my pores, I looked at his youthful face and I could not escape the our successive juxtaposed realities.

feature As I continue to grow older, the surrounding people seem to grow younger often limiting my compatible choices. Although cleaver in his own right, Mr. Man was way too inexperienced to set pretences. I had been his age, long ago, he had never been my age, not in this lifetime anyway. His courage and forthright manner prevented me from believing he was way to young. At the very least, these bold qualities left me open-minded to possibilities not yet explored

Mr. Man asked me to guess his age and without much thought, I looked into his face, trying not to lose myself in his eager green eyes, and replied, “32?” A baffled expression gave me a momentary warm sensation that I had guessed right as I had mentally adjusted my line of demarcation to accommodate this bizarre connection.
Mr. Man asked me to guess his age and without much thought, I looked into his face, trying not to lose myself in his eager green eyes, and replied, “32?” A baffled expression gave me a momentary warm sensation that I had guessed right as I had mentally adjusted my line of demarcation to accommodate this bizarre connection.
My instinct turned proved as he told me he is 21 which was less  than half my time on earth. This warm sensation turned to an ache in my head accentuating the lines in my face he was unable to see. My wrinkles creased tighter as it occurred to me that Mr. Man could be my son and his mother my same age or younger. A twisting sensation occurred in my stomach as I tried to tighten my grip on the ground beneath me. Clearly, I had reached the edge of the cliff with the earthen soil eroding under the weight of my stance. My only choices were to fight or give way to gravity, but someone would fall.
In the course of our conversations, I described to Mr. Man my quick insights into others, often within seconds of meeting them. In response, Mr. Man was quick to ask for specifics about him, his eyes widening in the hopes of capturing me. These same keen instincts told me he was eager to see inside me, far more than inviting me into his world. His navigation efforts played out through the night and into the following week

Cougar in the Hunt Part 2: Did You Really Say 21?

 

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Temperance and The Devil Part 2: Is This a Date?

The Following is the Part 2, continuing story of Temperance and the Devil

A wave of compassion washed over me every time Mr. Wonderful posted something on Facebook. For some reason, something deep inside me wanted to reach out to him with both arms. Then on a typical Sunday afternoon, a strange Facebook interaction with Mr. Wonderful happened and provided me more clues, though I admit I was still quite oblivious. Mr. Wonderful posted something odd and scary to me about being a libertarian. It did not sound characteristic of him. This gentle, soft-spoken, kind, mature, benevolent man could not have such misguided beliefs. He portrayed himself as kind man of heart and charity, so I was not willing to believe him associated with such a subversive political affiliation.

I posted in his comment section, asking if he was familiar with the libertarian party and their scary, survivalist, misguided activities. Within moments, he engaged me in a personal message chat, and thus I learned more about him. He was terrible at online chats, yet it was still clear that he really wanted me to understand him. He defended his position firmly, but at the same time tried to make light of it. It was clear my approval was precious to him. I had struck a curious cord. These factors were jumbled and unclear and his incompetency with Facebook chatting, not to mention my own, didn’t provide much clarity. This interaction was puzzling, momentarily, but I honestly did not give it too much thought.

California High Desert, music, dancing, roadtrip, dating
“It took everything in me to drive safely…..”

Several weeks later, our Grateful Dead revival band announced on their Facebook page that they would be doing a show at the Lander Brewery. I had never been to the Lander’s Brewery, so I yearned to be a part of this venue the moment I read the announcement. I was determined to attend this show, even though I reasoned that I would have many chances to see them play closer to home. My gas tank was too low to for the trip to Landers, so in a surge of creative thinking, I reached out on Facebook for a carpool. My zeal increased, as I imagined a fun road trip with new-found friends. In my Facebook post, I was specific with every detail that I wanted to split gas with as many folks as my car could fit. I included an offer to pick up anyone from the Yucca Mesa area on the way to the brewery.

Within mere seconds, of my carpool request post, Mr. Wonderful responded on Facebook chat. He made it clear that he would pick me up and drive me to the Brewery. This arrangement did not seem like the carpool I had requested, causing me to wonder if he was simply being a gentleman, or was he altering my situation into a date. I was only beginning to put the pieces together enough to wonder what this evening meant to Mr. Wonderful. Was our plan, restructured by him, considered a date, despite my specifics of carpooling and gas sharing? He was being a gentleman, but that was not the whole picture.

I would find out later that the house he had moved into, at Mr. Tree Man’s place, is actually on the way to the Landers Brewery. Instead of the logical plan of me picking him up, he drove all the way to my house, in the opposite direction, so that he could drive me to the show. This was a significant number of miles and gas consumed so that he could be in the driver’s seat.

In the midst of all these hazy reflections, I heard from yet another interested party, who wanted to come along as a carpool participant. Of course I welcomed her, knowing that I was bringing a date on the date Mr. Wonderful had orchestrated.  I phoned the interested third-party, Melanie, to invite her and it turned out that we had tons in common including history with my cousin. My adrenaline was high, as I dressed for the evening and put on my makeup. My anticipation traveled up to my head, causing me to feel dizzy and a little magical Hi-Desert, sunsets in the California Hi-Desert, attraction, dating, friends, music, dancingdisoriented. This same scenario had happened many time in years prior. A male friend of mine would assume that a friendship based outing to be a date with me. My change of venue, like including others, would cause an upset, often resulting in the male friend pouting in awkward disappointment on his part. If this were to happen with Mr. Wonderful, the entire evening would be uncomfortable and without an escape route.

Mr. Wonderful actually passed the test, with the highest score possible, adapting fully to my reversing his change of venue. He arrived at my house very late, as he had explained via Facebook chat that he had fallen asleep. I was seconds away from giving up on him. I had actually written him a note and left my back up cell phone for him to borrow. The note said that I couldn’t wait anymore, but I hoped he would go to the show anyhow. He pulled up just as I was about to leave.

He approached me, with his characteristic soft-spoken manner, apologizing profusely with a longing in his eyes for forgiveness. In haste, pressured by the fact that there was a third-party waiting for me and anxious to leave, I told him, with haptic eagerness,  about Melanie coming with us. He acted as a gentleman, pleased and willing to pick her up and have her join us. Counter to his plans, we went in my car with me at the wheel to make room for Melanie. Within minutes of driving away from my house, my entire body all but trembled with anticipation, as his longing for me was a strong force entering my soul like a silent whirlwind. Now that he was right next to me his feeling were crystal clear. He noticed my gas tank’s low level and with his characteristic soft-spoken gentle firmness,  suggested that we stop for gas on the way to the show.

It took everything in me to drive safely, and when I inquired by phone with Melanie, for directions to her house, I could not retain a single word. My tongue vibrated as it trembled to say to Mr. Wonderful that my short-term memory was suffering with age. As it happened, Mr. Wonderful retained all speakerphone information and guided the way as my attentive copilot. His credibility was growing.

stars, night sky in the mojave desert, California high desert, astronomy, California High Desert, romantic moment, attraction, star gazing
He placed his hand on my back, then moved in close and with his other hand, he pointed to the sky as he whispered into my ear the names of stars just above us.”

Mr. Wonderful impressed me, when he listened and retained the complicated directions to Melanie’s house. He knew the area better than me, though I was blown away by his ability, ten years older than me, to retain information dictated only once. I was filled with far too many adrenals. I was filled with nervous anticipation about how Mr. Wonderful would receive Melanie. My phone conversation with her provided a strong indication that she is a transgendered woman. He passed this test by treating her with the same chivalrous kindness as myself. His warmth was clear and present, which shot my adrenals and elevated my heart beat and body temperature. I am not sure how I was able to drive us safely. In short, I was really starting to like Mr. Wonderful and this was entirely unexpected and I was not prepared to process being courted in this manner.

When we arrived at Melanie’s house Mr. Wonderful gave her the front seat and sat in the back seat. He sat quiet as Melanie and I talked becoming closer acquainted. When I pulled up to the gas station, he proceeded to buy and pump the gas and would not let Melanie give him her committed contribution. He also said that he would drive us all back if she and I wanted to drink, and that all drinks were going to be at his expense. Given how he was treating my date Melanie, his approval rating reached a new height.

#photocollage #relationships #love #goodnightkiss #desertsky #high-desert
The wonder of this moment was too precious to squander while at the same time, my mind had much to process.

As we pulled into the brewery and I parked, it was one of the many times of the evening that is especially beautiful in the desert. The sun had sunk out of sight, yet still providing enough light to illuminate the Joshua Trees and the endless surrounding hillsides. The stars became visible one by one. Mr. Wonderful managed to steal a precious moment with me, and in doing so managed to take a gentle, but firm, grip on my heart. He put his hand on my back, then moved in close and with his other hand he pointed to the sky as he whispered into my ear the constellations just above us. My love for astronomy was touched like an angel’s sacred blessing. He had knowledge of something precious to me. Somehow he knew to share this part of himself with me in the most intimate way possible, with an amorous whisper, as if I was the only one in such a vast universe who mattered. This was the bridge in the gap of political and spiritual belief that, previous to this moment, our moment, that until this time had seemed too wide. astronomy, the night sky, stars, the universe

As we entered the unpretentious brewery, we were greeted by our pack, Tricia upfront, excited to see us and as it happened very excited to see myself and Mr. Wonderful together. All eyes were on us as, while both his eyes were on me.

In my mind I pondered my suspicion of Mr. Wonderful seeing this outing as a date. On this date, I did the driving and brought a date of my own. I felt lucky and confused at the same time and all my head could do was spin and my feet could not feel the solid ground down below. I followed Tricia into the bathroom, so that I could confer with her about what was happening.

“I am nervous, because I have a strong feeling that he sees this as a date. I wasn’t sure beforehand. I invited Melanie….I brought a date on our date!” I exclaimed.

Tricia looked me right in the eye and matter of fact replied “Yes, of course he does. He likes you. He thinks you are gorgeous.”

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Temperance and the Devil Part 3 

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