#Resistance Hyatus

I have not abandoned my labor of love, Wisdom From the Galaxy, but I have been sidetracked by the shockwave that entered the world in November. My participation in the Resistance has occupied my time as a would a full-time job. The resistance takes first and full priority, though I am trying to create and balance. One way to achieve this balance I am continuing my Wisdom From the Galaxy stories, portraying the mystery of the high desert and the cathartic effect of my companion rabbit Galaxy…..Resist, Persist, take comfort in entertainment and recreational reading.

Photo collage depicting the power of companion animals and the universe

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The Joey Dance: Thanks-Give-Me Joey

This is the continuing story of Heart Break Winter: Thanks-Give-Me Joey

Thanks-Give-Me Joey

The Joey’s response was quick as his wit. He explained that he was dressed for winter everywhere else, so why would his feet be cold?
As my intrigue grew, a warm sensation reached my stomach, which had been achy, damp, and cold since Mr. Wonderful disappearance. This was the first night away from home in an entire month since my car had malfunctioned. In the space of this singular high desert winter evening, I had danced, been around children, eaten a meal with other humans, and felt the warmth of the fire and the kind company of nice people. At this moment, Galaxy sat cozily in my lap, as my curiosity towards this new male acquaintance, grew alongside the flaming embers. I was surrounded by a significant accumulation of simple joys which were first aid to my cold heart. I was with friends and I really liked Genie’s friends and her daughter.
The irony of this person arriving to rescue us from the disastrous situation Mr. Wonderful left us with, was present. This irony occurred to me later, but at this time I was in a mild trance as I stared at the shadows of the fire bouncing and flickering on and off of his face, accentuating his green eyes and a large nose, casting a triangular shadow on the side of his face. initial attraction, fate, destiny, hope
After we said our goodbyes and prepared to leave Genie’s house, the Joey lifted up his hatchback so I could stow away Galaxy provisions. I was impressed that I did not have to ask for this detail. Peter-Pan commandeered the front seat before I could get there. Given how he stumbles around clueless most of the time, I never thought he would be so quick to take what I wanted. My plan to steal moments with the Joey was supposed to be subtle, but I found myself commanding Peter-Pan to sit in the back seat despite his spoiled adolescent protests. The Joey. in a quiet voice, but firm tone, ordered Peter-Pan to sit in the back of the car. I was surprised and impressed when Peter-Pan moved to back seat without saying a word. I suggested to the Joey that it might make sense to take me home first, since I live only five minutes away from Genie, while Finesse and Peter-Pan live in the hills of Joshua Tree National Park. I added that because he was driving, the decision was his. To my surprise and wonder, the Joey chose to take Finesse and the Peter-Pan home first. We drove up the hill and into the park and to the dirt road to their house. I became fairly acquainted with the Joey on the way up the hill though my focus was more on Finesse and all the stresses she was facing. The advantages she had reaped from taking over Mr. Wonderful’s use of Mr.Treeman’s car were minimal and now the madness of the dysfunctional circumstances creating more stress. I had no idea how much guilt she was really feeling. photo collage, woman over 40, music, drumming, community, high desert, relationships, tribe, lust, sexuality and menopause
The Joey pulled into Finesse and Peter Pan’s driveway as my mind wandered to thoughts of the time Mr. Wonderful and I had driven there to check on Finesse.
As Finesse and Peter-Pan got out of the car, I told Finesse that she wasn’t alone and how she could count on me to shoulder some of the burden.
As the Joey backed out of the driveway, I felt nervous and calm at the same time. I asked him how he met Peter-Pan and Finesse.
“At the Saloon, or as I call it the Spittoon” The idea of a spittoon is disgusting and revolting to me, so I did not fully appreciate this characterization. My mind couldn’t help but think about how Peter-Pan and the Joey met just after Mr. Wonderful. The Joey must have replaced Mr. Wonderful as Peter-Pan’s bar buddy. I jerked my mind back to the moment and away from thought of Mr. Wonderful.
The rapture of the dark cold winter night and the late hour brought a strange calm over my hyperactive adrenals of the odd connection catalyzing a slow, subtle thawing to the chill of my still guarded heart. Since Mr. Wonderful’s departure, my heart could not imagine feeling this kind of warmth while present with different man. The tight binding of the shards of my broken heart expanded through my entire chest, stimulating my solar plexus while creating a pleasant fire on ice whirlwind in my abdomen. Photo collage depicting the power of companion animals and the universe
The conversation had a comfortable ease and my ability to say interesting things while still listening to him was in full balance. The entire car trip to my house, had just enough comfortable brief silences, a natural level of awkwardness one would expect to have with someone new, and just enough connection so that nothing was forced or strained. He told me about dirt biking with his dogs on our many trails as amusing images came to mind. People with dogs win my favor since canines attract dedicated individuals. I was also impressed by his hybrid car that felt like a spaceship gliding through the bitter cold of the infinite desert night.
Had I achieved true Temperance? Had I met someone who could bring out the best in me?
Somehow the image of him sitting by the fire where I had been admiring the tile work, ignited the spark of beholding something beautiful and at the same time strange. I was sitting on the couch with my bunny Galaxy when he came in the door and I only looked in his direction long enough to be polite since Galaxy had urinated on me.

The Joey revealed his geographical knowledge of the odd urban layout of our high desert. He drove on the back-road off the highway that is familiar to locals. I told him to let me know when he needed me to direct him. He only needed help with the last few turns. When we reached my house, he pulled into my driveway behind my broken car. He turned the car off and paused a moment until I asked  “Can you help me carry a few things to my door”
“Oh, of course” he responded as if he felt he should have offered to help without my asking. I held Galaxy as he carried blankets and a “diaper bag” to the door.
“You can just put that here, I will take care of it.”
winter, heartbreak, initial attraction, hope, first meeting
As I held Galaxy, wrapped snug in a blanket, I faced him as he said, “I am sure I will see you and Galaxy again,” As the tone of his voice subtly implicated a question, I widened my eyes as if to answer with a yes while I reached out to hug him. We embraced around Galaxy who was nestled in my right arm creating a barrier on half of my chest.
I thought about the Joey as I fell asleep. Mr. Wonderful had been gone for over a month and though I was still missing him, I had far surpassed all self-imposed expectations of fidelity to him. Though Mr. Wonderful left without even saying goodbye, my heart did not sever ties of loyalty to him in the same abrupt manner for which he disappeared. The uncertainty lingered daily as I knew nothing about what had become of Mr. Wonderful and if I would ever see him again. The only thing  with any certainty was that I could not deny the simple truth that Mr. Wonderful nowhere in my physical proximity. My friends, my community, and the potential of those I had not met were physically present.
The mysterious Joey was a testament to my potential to experience attraction for someone other than Mr. Wonderful. I had another testament that my broken heart was still beating to the rhythm of my life.
I didn’t see the Joey for a while, though frequent and unfavorable commentary from Finesse flowed freely and reminded me of his presence in her life. The wonder of the fleeting moment we spent alone settled into the back of my mind, even as Finesse’s harsh critical words made me resigned to disregard any thoughts of him.


Coming Soon The Joey Dance Part 3

 

 

 

 

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Temperance and the Devil EBook Preview

As Mr. Wonderful held my head on his lap with one hand, he used the other hand to graze my body within reach over my clothes. I continued to talk until I wondered if I was talking too much. “You are so quiet. Am I talking too much?” I said, looking up at his face. He continued to move his fingertips over my clothes lingering at my chest and pelvic region as he looked down at me saying “I am just listening and getting to know more about you.” He looked into my eyes with warmth and satisfaction as he continues to touch me. I looked into his eyes, without talking until his fingers reached over my shorts inside the natural opening of my relaxed legs.

Full Ebook available August 30, 2017

Meanwhile the story of the Desert Diva and her Galaxy will continue bi-weekly! Stay tuned for pictorial How We Met The Joey .

Cougar in the Hunt

Affirmations From the Galaxy

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Cougar in the Hunt Part 1 Vlog

{Full written version: Cougar in The Hunt 1}


sepiaAs I showed Mr. Man a video of my rabbit Galaxy, whatever had been wrong with him had been left far behind as he ventured into the land of me. Naturally engaging him in conversation took little to no effort which was odd. His wide-eyed naiveté displayed great appreciation for my talents and accomplishments. He was quick to fire blunt andfeature uncensored expressions of attraction and desire for me that seared through my body too rapid for me to put up defences. The odd connection sparked something in me while at the same time my sense of better judgement kept me anchored even though inside I was spinning. In the midst of this strange encounter, my hot flashes inevitably came to adding fuel to the overall confusion.
As I continue to grow older, the surrounding people seem to grow younger often limiting my compatible choices. Although cleaver in his own right, Mr. Man was way too inexperienced to set pretences. I had been his age, long ago, he had never been my age, not in this lifetime anyway. His courage and forthright manner prevented me from believing he was way to young. At the very least, these bold qualities left me open-minded to possibilities not yet explored.

Mr. Man told me to guess his age and without much thought, I looked into his face, trying not to lose myself in his eager green eyes, and replied 32. A baffled expression gave me a momentary warm sensation that I had guessed right as I had adjusted my line of demarcation in my mind to accommodate this bizarre connection.
My instinct turned false as he told me he is 21 less than half my time on earth. This warm sensation turned to an ache in my head that seemed to accentuate the lines in my face he was unable to see. My wrinkles creased tighter as it occurred to me that Mr. Man could be my son and his mother my same age or younger. A twisting sensation occurred in my stomach as I tried to tighten my grip on the ground beneath me. Clearly, I had reached the edge of the cliff with the earthen soil eroding under the weight of my stance. My only choices were to fight or give way to gravity, but someone would fall.

When I told Mr. Man I had great insight into people, often within seconds of meeting them, he was quick to ask for specifics about him, his eyes widening in the hopes of capturing me. My keen instinct told me he was eager to see inside me, far more than inviting me into his world. His navigation efforts played out through the night and into the following week.

Cougar in the Hunt Part 2: Did You Really Say 21?

As a woman over 40, pushing 50, have created this blog for the purposed of using my writing skills to create something especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit.

Feedback Cherished!


CitizenM

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Heart Break Winter Vlog and How Galaxy & I Met The Joey

Winter brought a freeze to the shards of my heart with each piece frozen in time. Darkness dominated the evening hours while overflowing tears created a constant stream traveling down my face throughout the nights. …….Continue

Galaxy & The Joey Part 1: Heart Break Winters

Galaxy & The Joey Part 2: Thanks-Give-Me-Joey coming soon!

Wisdom From The Galaxy

The Joey, The Galaxy, & Me: Acquiesce

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Galaxy & The Joey : Heartbreak Winter & Pictorial Preview

Galaxy & The Joey Part 1: Heart Break Winters

Galaxy & The Joey Pictorial Preview:

“He was upbeat and quick-witted……” photo collage, woman over 40, music, drumming, community, high desert, relationships, tribe, lust, sexuality and menopause

“To my eye he looked like a snowboarder warming up by the evening fire in a ski lodge wearing thick warm flannel…….”

Galaxy, spirituality, hope, peace, calm, tranquility

 

 

 

“I stared at the olive skin of his face, tinting from the fire dancing shadows on his face, shinning light on his blonde hair, and accentuating his green eyes……”

“We layed down side by side as if it was natural and expected. I knew that he genuinely cared about checking on Galaxy, though it was also clear he was seizing an opportunity to be alone with me…..”photo collage mandalla

“His hands were all over me the entire night, but now that he had me alone he exhibited an almost methodical self-control….”

“….He placed his entire body on top of mine, wrapping his arms tight around me laughing harder as he gripped me tighter and put more of his weight on me….”

New Wisdom From the Galaxy Blog Series:  Galaxy and The Joey Part 1: Heartbreak Winter
LELO

 

 

 

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Temperance & The Devil 8: Fire in The Hills

Continuing story of Temperance and the Devil Part 7

VLog

lake fire 2015, falling in love, natural world, relationship, house rabbit, photo collage
How could I feel such love with so much devastation closing in on everyone including the two of us?

As a characteristic of late July and August, inland areas of the our bone dry California landscape are vulnerable to wildfires creating an insurmountable scare. This year the wildfires were burning thousands of acres close enough to see in the air and breath. It was orange outside and breathing was painful on the lungs. I was terrified of the fire spreading to Joshua Tree or fires starting in Joshua Tree.

I was in a panic mode given the fire that had destroyed my entire life years before and was I felt terrified of losing my home. The fact that I was starting an intimate relationship with someone wonderful made me feel almost guilty. How could I feel such love with so much devastation closing in on everyone including the two of us? 

In my natural surroundings my beautiful baby Flycatcher tweets were transitioning out of their nest. The previous year the

#MojaveAshThroatedFly-catcher #JoshuaTree #nightsky #romanticencounter #CaliforniaHi-Desert #relationshipdoubts #love #love'suncertainty #fear
original photo by Candice Silsby

chicks had left the nest one morning by the time I went out to see them. This year, I saw them test their wings for a couple of days first, as they called out to each other. There was a ringleader sibling among the four babies whom the other three chicks looked to for guidance. They made baby-flights out of the nest, within the Joshua tree, testing their wings gradually, talking with each other with every hop and flap of their tiny wings. It was bittersweet to watch, given how the firefighters were struggling to contain all the fires so close to us. Tracking the daily lives of these chicks was having a beautiful cathartic effect on me. Over several days I watched the adult Flycatchers build the nest with the familiar high desert debris with Galaxy’s fur shedding and wool from my house. I knew the babies had hatched when I heard their chirps coming from the nest and after a few days their tiny beaks poking out of the nest awaiting their next meal. With each day more of the birds could be seen from below the nest and I had a wonderful view from the latter that I positioned for filming their daily growth and activities.

My baby hatchlings fledging drew me out of a depressive episode and renewed my faith and hope. This hatching and Ruby Throated Flycatcher, fledglings, baby birds, joshua tree, bird's nest, love, relationships, high desertinfancy directly correlated with Mr. Wonderful and my developing feelings for each other.

Mr. Wonderful showed his appreciation within moments of my daily photo and video posts of my growing tweets which made me feel like he was part of the whole cycle. He also revealed his incredible connection to wildlife which I would experience first hand in many of our quality moments together. Mr. Wonderful was always just a step behind all of my posts of photos of Galaxy and the horses from the rescue ranch. His love for animals would be clear, endearing, and a well-defined path to the depth of my heart. His love for Galaxy filled my heart with an inexplicable joy I had never experienced from a man.

A couple of days after my conversation with Mr. Wonderful where I had retracted my cautionary actions to cut short our courtship, I got up and had my coffee. As the coffee and the cocoa enhancement were taking effect throughout my entire my nervous system, I went outside to check on my baby birds who had been testing their wings out of the nest. The outside was literally orange from the effect of the wildfires that now seemed as if these blazes were growing and closing in on the community and threatening my house. Another shift in the natural world was the baby flycatchers extending their wings further out of the nest. On this bizarre morning they were still testing their wings outside the nest and exploring life just outside the tree. I found them perched in different places in the tree and resting on the fence. They communicated with each other as the ringleader made the first daring flight outside the tree as the other three watched and prepared to follow. I was worried about how the wildfires might affect them in this transition, even more than I feared for my house and Joshua Tree as a whole.

Later that afternoon, Mr. Wonderful engaged me in a Facebook dialogue where I expressed my fear and how bad the air quality was affecting me. I told him how scared I felt, to which he replied “no please, don’t be scared” He let me know that the air was significantly better at his place. He invited me over and told me to bring Galaxy. He told me how the house was unfinished in detail which I merely skimmed since all I wanted was to see him, be close to him, and feel his arms wrapped around me. His location could have been anywhere and still exactly where I wanted to be.

I was excited and scared at the same time as I packed several bags with Galaxy’s toys, frozen water bottles, herbs, veggies, and hay. Considering the level of passion between us, I prepared to spend the night, while wondering if things might be moving too fast.

I arrived with the duffel bag style animal carrier Patricia gifted to us over my shoulder with Galaxy comfortable leaning against the side of my waist. I expected a passionate embrace filled with eager relief that had been anticipating our arrival with an anxious excitement. I had extended my heart past the safe zone by agreeing to abandon all doubts surrendering body and soul to him. I was there in his kitchen prepared to stay in person and for real. Instead, he let me inside and immediately went to the sink and filled a large dog bowl with water. Clearly, it was Star, the Tree Man’s dog bowl, but I had assumed Star was with Mr. Treeman. I was perplexed and felt the passionate, flowing whirlwind in my body turning into a frustrated stone.

“Is Star here?”

“This is for Galaxy”

My heart was warmed and the passionate whirlwind was once again creating a hurricane throughout my entire body. His immediate thought was the welfare of my rabbit which took priority over his passion for me making my love for him that much more powerful.

My rabbit was also his second thought. After he put the water bowl down in front of him, he went to the fridge and brought out the carrots. Galaxy was on the floor exploring the new place we were visiting. Galaxy always makes himself comfortable when we visit outside our own house, which is unusual for rabbits. Galaxy has a curious sense of adventure and adjusts immediately to new environments which makes it easy to take him everywhere.

Mr. Wonderful got down on the floor on the floor rug with the carrots and with an affectionate tone called Galaxy over to him. Galaxy responded by following the sound of Mr. Wonderful’s sweet voice and the smell of the carrots. Mr. Wonderful was encouraging with the gentle quality rabbits respond to in a positive way. He hopped over to investigate the smell of the carrots and Mr. Wonderful was equally enthused to be hand feeding him.

Mr. Wonderful showed me around the beautiful property pointing out every species of bird’s nests. It was abundantly clear that he loved animals with the same passion always have felt. I knew Galaxy loved him and his efforts to connect with him cast a spell on me that was more exhilarating than I had felt in a very long time. Mr. Wonderful’s feelings towards Galaxy went beyond appreciation. He was treating him as part of my package, as if he is my son, welcoming him into his home and making sure he was happy, feed, and had plenty of water.

As Galaxy decided where his designated spot would be in the corner by the wood-burning stove next to the glass door where he could see outside with his sighted, intact eye, Mr. Wonderful and I sat together on the couch. He could also hear our voices so he could make himself comfortable. I had also noticed a box full of pine cones that I knew he would eventually discover and investigate.

I rested the small of my back on the couch arm and asked Mr. Wonderful if I could put my feet on his lap, of which he responded. “Of course you can” He rested his hands on my feet and intermittently stroked them with his thumb and fingers. My contentment and comfort was almost overwhelming. It was hard to believe that I was exactly where I wanted to be with the person I wanted to be with; the same person I had endured a five-year dry spell for the purpose of finding a man like him. The relief of sexual touch deprivation overwhelmed my senses, all but took my breath away and made my stomach churn. I was enveloped and wrapped tight in the euphoria and the exquisite pain of being in love.

My house rabbits have filled the void of love in my life and have protected me from compromising my standards in relationships. I never suffer the longing for relationships, good or bad, as long as I have my house rabbits. A whole new level was obtained being with Mr. Wonderful. He was embracing not only me, but also fully embracing the most precious creature in my life, my greatest love. I was no longer the woman with a rabbit, but without a man. Galaxy was loved by both of us and thus he was our rabbit instead of my rabbit.

I turned my stretched out body around so that my head was on Mr. Wonderful’s lap and propped my feet on the couch arm, as Mr. Wonderful made sounds of pleasure and placed a hand on my cheek and the other was stroking my hair. We continued to talk and his hand continued to explore the parts of my body that were within reach.

The continuing story of Temperance and the Devil will be available as a complete Ebook May 30th, 2017. Meanwhile the story of the Desert Diva and her Galaxy will continue bi-weekly! Stay tuned for pictorial How We Met The Joey .

Cougar in the Hunt

Affirmations From the Galaxy

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