I have not abandoned my labor of love, Wisdom From the Galaxy, but I have been sidetracked by the shockwave that entered the world in November. My participation in the Resistance has occupied my time as a would a full-time job. The resistance takes first and full priority, though I am trying to create and balance. One way to achieve this balance I am continuing my Wisdom From the Galaxy stories, portraying the mystery of the high desert and the cathartic effect of my companion rabbit Galaxy…..Resist, Persist, take comfort in entertainment and recreational reading.
Freedom is always comes at a price, the return comes after the pain when I retrieve my soul….C.C. Silsbee
As much as I love you, I must act on the love I have for myself and let you go………C.C. Silsbee
I ran through the desert night, further and further from the pain ……I ran and I ran desperate for water…..worn out, I ran and I ran further and further…..I ran until I reached an oasis….I ran through the oasis and I found me……I looked to the Galaxy and found my way home…..C.C. Silsbee
A bunny life is delicate and fragile, so each day is a sacred gift; Looking to the Galaxy I am learning to live in the moment and this moment with my beloved bunny is precious and beautiful enough to live in my heart forever…….Candice Silsbee
As a characteristic of late July and August, inland areas of the our bone dry California landscape are vulnerable to wildfires creating an insurmountable scare. This year the wildfires were burning thousands of acres close enough to see in the air and breath. It was orange outside and breathing was painful on the lungs. I was terrified of the fire spreading to Joshua Tree or fires starting in Joshua Tree.
I was in a panic mode given the fire that had destroyed my entire life years before and was I felt terrified of losing my home. The fact that I was starting an intimate relationship with someone wonderful made me feel almost guilty. How could I feel such love with so much devastation closing in on everyone including the two of us?
In my natural surroundings my beautiful baby Flycatcher tweets were transitioning out of their nest. The previous year the
chicks had left the nest one morning by the time I went out to see them. This year, I saw them test their wings for a couple of days first, as they called out to each other. There was a ringleader sibling among the four babies whom the other three chicks looked to for guidance. They made baby-flights out of the nest, within the Joshua tree, testing their wings gradually, talking with each other with every hop and flap of their tiny wings. It was bittersweet to watch, given how the firefighters were struggling to contain all the fires so close to us. Tracking the daily lives of these chicks was having a beautiful cathartic effect on me. Over several days I watched the adult Flycatchers build the nest with the familiar high desert debris with Galaxy’s fur shedding and wool from my house. I knew the babies had hatched when I heard their chirps coming from the nest and after a few days their tiny beaks poking out of the nest awaiting their next meal. With each day more of the birds could be seen from below the nest and I had a wonderful view from the latter that I positioned for filming their daily growth and activities.
My baby hatchlings fledging drew me out of a depressive episode and renewed my faith and hope. This hatching and infancy directly correlated with Mr. Wonderful and my developing feelings for each other.
Mr. Wonderful showed his appreciation within moments of my daily photo and video posts of my growing tweets which made me feel like he was part of the whole cycle. He also revealed his incredible connection to wildlife which I would experience first hand in many of our quality moments together. Mr. Wonderful was always just a step behind all of my posts of photos of Galaxy and the horses from the rescue ranch. His love for animals would be clear, endearing, and a well-defined path to the depth of my heart. His love for Galaxy filled my heart with an inexplicable joy I had never experienced from a man.
A couple of days after my conversation with Mr. Wonderful where I had retracted my cautionary actions to cut short our courtship, I got up and had my coffee. As the coffee and the cocoa enhancement were taking effect throughout my entire my nervous system, I went outside to check on my baby birds who had been testing their wings out of the nest. The outside was literally orange from the effect of the wildfires that now seemed as if these blazes were growing and closing in on the community and threatening my house. Another shift in the natural world was the baby flycatchers extending their wings further out of the nest. On this bizarre morning they were still testing their wings outside the nest and exploring life just outside the tree. I found them perched in different places in the tree and resting on the fence. They communicated with each other as the ringleader made the first daring flight outside the tree as the other three watched and prepared to follow. I was worried about how the wildfires might affect them in this transition, even more than I feared for my house and Joshua Tree as a whole.
Later that afternoon, Mr. Wonderful engaged me in a Facebook dialogue where I expressed my fear and how bad the air quality was affecting me. I told him how scared I felt, to which he replied “no please, don’t be scared” He let me know that the air was significantly better at his place. He invited me over and told me to bring Galaxy. He told me how the house was unfinished in detail which I merely skimmed since all I wanted was to see him, be close to him, and feel his arms wrapped around me. His location could have been anywhere and still exactly where I wanted to be.
I was excited and scared at the same time as I packed several bags with Galaxy’s toys, frozen water bottles, herbs, veggies, and hay. Considering the level of passion between us, I prepared to spend the night, while wondering if things might be moving too fast.
I arrived with the duffel bag style animal carrier Patricia gifted to us over my shoulder with Galaxy comfortable leaning against the side of my waist. I expected a passionate embrace filled with eager relief that had been anticipating our arrival with an anxious excitement. I had extended my heart past the safe zone by agreeing to abandon all doubts surrendering body and soul to him. I was there in his kitchen prepared to stay in person and for real. Instead, he let me inside and immediately went to the sink and filled a large dog bowl with water. Clearly, it was Star, the Tree Man’s dog bowl, but I had assumed Star was with Mr. Treeman. I was perplexed and felt the passionate, flowing whirlwind in my body turning into a frustrated stone.
“Is Star here?”
“This is for Galaxy”
My heart was warmed and the passionate whirlwind was once again creating a hurricane throughout my entire body. His immediate thought was the welfare of my rabbit which took priority over his passion for me making my love for him that much more powerful.
My rabbit was also his second thought. After he put the water bowl down in front of him, he went to the fridge and brought out the carrots. Galaxy was on the floor exploring the new place we were visiting. Galaxy always makes himself comfortable when we visit outside our own house, which is unusual for rabbits. Galaxy has a curious sense of adventure and adjusts immediately to new environments which makes it easy to take him everywhere.
Mr. Wonderful got down on the floor on the floor rug with the carrots and with an affectionate tone called Galaxy over to him. Galaxy responded by following the sound of Mr. Wonderful’s sweet voice and the smell of the carrots. Mr. Wonderful was encouraging with the gentle quality rabbits respond to in a positive way. He hopped over to investigate the smell of the carrots and Mr. Wonderful was equally enthused to be hand feeding him.
Mr. Wonderful showed me around the beautiful property pointing out every species of bird’s nests. It was abundantly clear that he loved animals with the same passion always have felt. I knew Galaxy loved him and his efforts to connect with him cast a spell on me that was more exhilarating than I had felt in a very long time. Mr. Wonderful’s feelings towards Galaxy went beyond appreciation. He was treating him as part of my package, as if he is my son, welcoming him into his home and making sure he was happy, feed, and had plenty of water.
As Galaxy decided where his designated spot would be in the corner by the wood-burning stove next to the glass door where he could see outside with his sighted, intact eye, Mr. Wonderful and I sat together on the couch. He could also hear our voices so he could make himself comfortable. I had also noticed a box full of pine cones that I knew he would eventually discover and investigate.
I rested the small of my back on the couch arm and asked Mr. Wonderful if I could put my feet on his lap, of which he responded. “Of course you can” He rested his hands on my feet and intermittently stroked them with his thumb and fingers. My contentment and comfort was almost overwhelming. It was hard to believe that I was exactly where I wanted to be with the person I wanted to be with; the same person I had endured a five-year dry spell for the purpose of finding a man like him. The relief of sexual touch deprivation overwhelmed my senses, all but took my breath away and made my stomach churn. I was enveloped and wrapped tight in the euphoria and the exquisite pain of being in love.
My house rabbits have filled the void of love in my life and have protected me from compromising my standards in relationships. I never suffer the longing for relationships, good or bad, as long as I have my house rabbits. A whole new level was obtained being with Mr. Wonderful. He was embracing not only me, but also fully embracing the most precious creature in my life, my greatest love. I was no longer the woman with a rabbit, but without a man. Galaxy was loved by both of us and thus he was our rabbit instead of my rabbit.
I turned my stretched out body around so that my head was on Mr. Wonderful’s lap and propped my feet on the couch arm, as Mr. Wonderful made sounds of pleasure and placed a hand on my cheek and the other was stroking my hair. We continued to talk and his hand continued to explore the parts of my body that were within reach.
The continuing story of Temperance and the Devil will be available as a complete Ebook May 30th, 2017. Meanwhile the story of the Desert Diva and her Galaxy will continue bi-weekly! Stay tuned for pictorial How We Met TheJoey .
In light of the violence that seems to escalate every few days I am listing affirmations related to overcoming the fear that accompanies surges in violence locally and globally.
“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”…..Albert Einstein
Let us give and receive love and acceptance in the face of violence……C.C. Silsbee
“Don’t go through the system. Do it yourself. Do something you believe in.”…….John Singleton
Let love, friendship, community, and embracing diversity trump fear and banish hatred…….C.C.Silsbee
Fear lives in the mind yet it paralyses our ability to embrace life…….C.C.Silsbee inspired by a local Joshua Tree Musician
“One Hail Mary is more powerful than 10 M-2 Sherman Tanks”…………Sister Marie-Deliah
Black Lives Matterto me personally. There is no way to calculate the impact of the black community on my childhood growing into adulthood and beyond. I had black teachers, role models, parental figures, peers, my best friend in kindergarten (Gina Coleman), one of my closest friends from grade 1-high school, (Tevis B.) my first dance teacher, my first boyfriend, countless peers,…….who have all influenced me and contributed beautiful threads to the tapestry of the person I am everyday. We have no idea of the potential impact these young lives could have had on our society, art, medicine, industry, innovations, technology, environmental protection, global diplomacy, sports, politics, parenting, education,……..Tragically we will never know.