Cougar In The Hunt 5: Cruel Light of Day

This is the continue story of Cougar in the Hunt Story Part 4 Here’s To You Mrs. Robinson

Cougar in the Hunt: Cruel Light of Day

For many reasons, there are numerous residents who are desperate to leave the desert. Up here, many consider a move down the hill to be a long-term goal, a step up, and an aspiration. If all else fails, these desert residents will descend into madness and are forced to disappear. Those who fall into the category of leaving by means of insanity, often have a bungee around one leg so they can recoil back in case the madness subsides.

affair, cougar, 21, transition, reflection, regret, denial, infatuation, conquest, lust
Anywhere else in the world, a 21-year-old amputee would not just appear out of nowhere….

The high-desert landscape makes it difficult to maintain a sense of boundaries because there are no lines of demarcation. The land, stretches out further than the eye can see to meet the infinite by day and by night. The power of the sky takes on many lives, often in the course of only one day. There is no beginning and no end, no boundaries, no outlines, nothing to define what is so infinite. This impresses and delights visitors; if you don’t live here, the lack of focal points and contour lines is infinite freedom. Cacti notwithstanding, it is possible to run for miles without stopping. For folks who live here, this feels wonderful until the wonder is out of reach, and in the desert that reach can go anywhere or nowhere.

I met Mr. Man on Valentine’s Day, while in January I was descending into madness desperate for an anchor. By February I was recovering from the crisis, making every effort to create imaginary lines of demarcation. The anchor that helps me to stand on such shaky ground is my friendship. Since these same friends may go mad at any time, my constant and only focal point is caring for my bunny and allowing his beauty and splendor to wash over my broken heart.

It is this very spell of the desert and the vast expanse of land and the infinite sky that spills from the natural world into our daily lives. and daily lives. A 21-year-old giving me this kind of attention would never live and thrive, outside the desert, through an entire evening then into the morning and through the next day. Anywhere else in the world, a 21-year-old amputee would not just appear out of nowhere, as my friend’s suitor’s friend. Every twist and turn of events would have dead ended had the evening taken place elsewhere.

photo collage blending portraits, virgin marry pose, vixen pose

Once the dust settled from the drama of Fineness running away for a day, I fully let the cruel light of day fill my home and my person. I had to get these lust filled sensations out of my mind and body. There was no way this would happen. As tempting as it was to be worshiped so poignantly, I had to be responsible and make sure that my secret desires did not prey upon this vulnerable delicate young heart. I had to stand firm in my principles of ensuring that my actions don’t cause harm to others. Even if he was of consenting age I still needed to be responsible, I told myself whenever the temptations crept into my body.

was not tempted by validation, since I know that my looks are not lost as I age. Despite frequent subtle reminders that I am no longer 20, I never pretend I am still 20. When I look through photos of myself in my early 20s all I see is clueless abandon, whereas the vision I now see in the mirror is the same beauty but with conviction, certainly, and experience. The image of the present has far more appeal.

Despite my convictions, the passion in his pursuit was seared in my mind and transforming into fantasies that in the cruel light of day were easy to dodge. Escape was not so easy at night, when the world goes quiet, as outer forces take over and erotically dance in my head, like artistic avant guard porn. Curiosity was doing its part and drawing in my sense of adventure and desire to try something new.

At the same time, I had to be strong and able to dissuade him since not only was I decades older, the gap between the stage of life at  21 and at 48 is too wide. There is nothing similar about these life stages. Had he been 31 and I 58, I wouldn’t have jumped into intimacy immediately as he wanted, though I would not have dismissed the idea. Even though he was not real sophisticated or educated, he had quickness that compelled me. I imagined his negotiating my explanations for rejecting him, which had the potential to wear me down to submission.

I sent him a text message that read something like “…I apologize for being caught off guard the other night; I need to let you know that there is no way you and I are going to become involved and I was back into a corner with your presumption of physical intimacy.” It was harsh, which as it turns out, did not work in my favor. After I sent it, I worried that I may have been too harsh.

He responded minutes later with something like “…I really do appreciate your honesty” Mmmm, I didn’t expect a mature response. I sent a text message back with a reference to seeing clearly in “the cruel light of day.” and he answered back with a yes Ma’am.

#vixen #cougar #21 #youngman #affair #infatuation #deception #lust #sex #encounter
Fantasies about the potential adventure of his unusual anatomy would be creeping into my thoughts.

While I reinvented the Dear john letter in a text, I was not able to make this strange attraction go away as I had expected. After rejecting him with brutal poignant honesty, he was still on my mind. Fantasies about the potential adventure of his unusual anatomy would be creeping into my thoughts. It didn’t seem like he was looking for a surrogate mother since he talked about her in a way that indicated a positive relationship. It was clear that the two of us had nothing in common, yet the differences were interesting to me. I knew better than to look to him for any kind of serious long-term, but the idea of a short-lived fling invaded my reasoning. The idea of a whole new anatomical sex experience was an overwhelming temptation fueled by my sense of adventure and lack of inhibitions.

I was sure I had been too harsh and reasoned that I didn’t need to cast him out entirely and why not keep the lines of communication open? So I reached out and extended an open-ended invitation for coffee at my place for which he said he would contact me if he was in my area. He responded by saying that if he was in my part of town he would let me know.

A few days later, I found myself in dialogue with him via text message. I exchanged texts with him while working, on and off for an entire day. I asked myself why I was doing this and did not have an answer to give myself. I was still on the edge of the cliff and the ground was still crumbling. 

#cougar #Mrs.Robinson #lust #infatuated21yearold #affair
The subtle bit of hope I gave him, set him on a fast paced high-speed chase…..

During our text dialogue, there was no attempt on his part at flirtation, suggestion, or trying to negotiate the boundary I put in place. I wondered if I was giving him mixed messages, since my communication was inconsistent and my ambivalence was touching every part of me.

After several hours of this back and forth typing, he put a toe in the water to engage me in flirtation, though it was after I accidentally gave him an opening. I referred to myself as a blunt, straightforward vixen, not afraid to speak her mind, for which he responded

“WOW, we are going to get along REALLY well” The hopeful beta test quality of this message touched me, even if it was a bit presumptuous.

“I am starting to be open to this possibility” He must have seen this as a neon green light indicator that convinced him that he would get his way. It is amazing what one believes when they really want something, as I thought I was being vague.

“Why the change of heart?” I wasn’t aware that I had changed my heart, but I didn’t discourage his assumption or hope. I was honestly tired of fighting him and what my body wanted.

“Well, I needed a chance to think it over, as I explained I strive not to be impetuous.” I listed a few reasons, one text for each including “Heart being the operative word, my heart is very broken” He responded with his version of wisdom, but in doing so he simply showed his age and lack of experience. My last reason was “The cardinal rule of my spirituality is not to harm anyone.” This turned into a discussion about pagan philosophy, or more accurately described, my explaining witchcraft, debunking all of his prior misconceptions. His willingness to learn from me was endearing.

The subtle bit of hope I gave him, set him on a fast paced high-speed chase for me all via text messages. Everything we texted about came back to overt flirtation from him or an opportunity gush about how incredibly beautiful I am. He was faster than a juvenile jack rabbit and as such he outran any discretion I may have had left somewhere in my mind, where I was still engaged in a faint dialogue.

Cougar in the Hunt Part 6: What’s That You Say Mrs. Robinson

As a woman over 40, pushing 50, I have created this blog for the purposed of using my writing skills to create something especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit
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Temperance & The Devil Part 4: Galaxy Spell

The Continuation story of Temperance and The Devil Part 3

Temperance and The Devil Part 4: Galaxy Spell 

first kiss, dating, attraction, falling in love, romantic night, desert night sky
….suddenly, the weight of my body was gone as if I was ascending into one of many unknown outer worlds, completely unafraid of where I was going….

As Mr. Wonderful drove us off the dirt road away from Melanie’s house I felt like being quiet, so I did not speak. I reasoned that he needed to see that I was not always chatty and prone to silences. I was experiencing a trance from the way he had been looking at me all night and every attempt he made to pursue me. More than anything I was deep in sentiment about what had happened, while entranced by what was happening, and above all anticipating all that could happen upon arrival to my house. The inevitable goodnight kiss awaiting me was dominating my thoughts, swirling around in my mind, as I struggled to steady my trembling body. My lips tingled as I thought about his mouth opening to mine. I was fully aware of how much I wanted it and I also knew that this was happening too fast and too soon. I had no choice other than to put up a gentle but firm cautionary road block.

Milky way, star gazing, romance, love, falling in love, goodnight kiss, passion
…It felt like the entire universe, the night sky, and the desert landscape was creating a magical atmosphere in honor of us….

 

Still under the inexplicable spell of the hi-desert night, I wanted to stay silent, which is not an attribute characteristic of me. I took advantage of the fact that I was in the mood to quiet, despite everything I was thinking. For some reason, I wanted him to experience this more mysterious side of my demeanor, even if I show this side infrequently. As he drove us along the remote road, as if the road and the night sky belong only to us, I noticed that he could not stop moving his right hand along the outside of his leg. I could only hear a faint sound of his hand scraping on his jeans in the silence that lingered between the two of us, though not too audible over my car’s engine. I stared at his hand moving back and forth. Had the night sky of the desert not been so powerful to all of my senses, I may have given in to the impulse to reach out and grab his hand and hold it so he would stop.

first kiss, dating, attraction, falling in love, romantic night, desert night sky
Suddenly, the weight of my body was gone as if I was ascending into one of many unknown outer worlds, completely unafraid of where I was going.

He was the one to break the silence which I was actually enjoying, given that the intense energy between us was enough volume.

“…So, do you work?”

This was not a complicated question, yet instead of simply giving him an answer, I responded with a nervous laugh. For me, it was an odd question with no context or conversational thread. I began my answer with something like “A little out of the woodwork….” But I cut myself off given that I didn’t want to work too hard, given how intense the stirrings inside me were affecting me and the rapid beat of my heart making it difficult to even laugh.

“Well I was injured years ago, so I have been freelance writing online.” I told him that I had been writing online and that my dream career is puppetry but the puppets I made were destroyed in the fire. I cut myself off again given how hard this situation is for me.

The next topic of conversation was natural, as I became aware of the fact that we had been driving on the same road, Aberdeen, for too long. Mr. Wonderful missed the turn to my house. He softly explained that we would be turning on Border, which happened to be close to where he lived. He subtly mentioned that he had missed the correct turn because I think he was a little embarrassed and wanted me to know only that he was in control of the situation. He went on to say that turning on Border would take us into Joshua Tree.

“Oh, so we are making a circle and will double back to my place.”

“Right” I was glad to let him off the hook, even if I was aware that he missed the turn, because he was distracted by me, so I allowed the flattery to sink into my heart amid all the feelings, emotions, and sensations ever-present. While driving through Joshua Tree I noticed police cars in one of the gas stations which is not unusual at the hour of the

date, love, attraction, night sky, magic of the galaxy
“What exactly is the attraction?’ I asked as he stroked me in all the right places with his fingertips…….

night we were cruising through town. What struck me as odd was that he quickly rubber necked with wide eyes, not like the eyes that looked at me; this was scrutiny and suspicion, but above all the look on his face and in his eyes was really odd. He had not been drinking, so he had no real reason to be concerned about a police presence especially one focused elsewhere. I dismissed this oddity as the normal caution everyone experiences when they see police officers. The truth is that not only was my trust for him implicit, it never occurred to me not to trust him. Mr. Wonderful, per my instructions pulled up and parked my car in front of my house, since his car was in the driveway. As we opened our doors the desert’s magic was felt with full magnetic charge. Suddenly, the weight of my body was gone as if I was ascending into one of many unknown outer worlds, completely unafraid of where I was going. The colors of the night spread infinitely, vibrant and beautiful with my senses fully engaged, affecting a full body euphoria. Magic was in the air generated by the night sky, but the charge between us added to the overall intensity. Both Mr. Wonderful and I moved slowly, as if to savor every moment. He lingered at the back of my car where we naturally met, handing me my keys waiting for my signals to provide a beacon to guide his desires to my shores. I subtly signaled him towards the line of vision of the bird’s nest in the Joshua Tree that stands at the edge of my yard, along my driveway, which just happened to usher him closer to me. He was genuinely interested in the baby birds and the nest; I would later find out his magical night vision for desert wildlife, so sharp and defiant to any mortal’s natural senses. At the same time, it was an opportunity to position himself closer to me. One of the reasons I was quiet and reflective on the ride home was because knowing there would be a goodnight kiss with a passionate embrace our chest’s rubbing up against each other intermittently tapped by the beating of each of our hearts. His pelvis would be fighting to merge with mine, inevitably touching, despite attempts at self-control, our heads in dialogue with our hearts; our heads trying to convince our hearts to resist carnal desires. Knowing this inevitability, I formulated an intelligent and logical verbal halt to the physical passion inviting me so near to him. The mysterious vortex of the desert, in actual proximity to our physical placement, at this time, was pulling me far away from any sensibility. My mind was trying to stay attached to practical reality, but the vortex, the romantic intoxicating desert night sky, and the energy between us was a stronger pull on my soul and body. We walked slowly to the side of his car both of us lingering in the wonder that was casting its own spell; the magic of the desert and the magic of us. As we stopped at his car, I suddenly felt my feet firm and planted on the ground for the first time all night. My spirit was in a whirlwind as my body naturally stood before him fully aware of where I was and what was happening. His voice caused a subtle vibration through my chest as he asked “Can I kiss you?”

Temperance and the Devil Part 5 


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Cougar Part 4: Here’s to You Mrs. Robinson

Continuation of previous post Cougar in the Hunt Part 3: Here’s to You Mrs. Robinson

cougar, lust, Mrs. Robinson leg, 21, older woman, younger man, lust, sex, attraction, one-night-stand, affair
As soon as the words came out, I realized what I had said and when I asked myself why I had made this gesture, I did not have an answer.

I have drawn the fool card so many times in my life; the first tarot card ever drawn on my behalf was the Fool, though it was not the first time I was dealt the fool. The Fool card is not necessarily attributed to the foolish qualities we associate with people who make poor choices or the naiveté understandable in youth. Did I draw the fool card that fateful moment Mr. Man’s hand made contact with my knee? 

It would seem that I did, but at the time I was certain Mr. Man had drawn the fool card. After all, he was hypnotised, taken in by my unintended prowess, exaggerated and romanticized by his lack of life experience. I was so cautious of his natural fool stage of life, afraid of him falling over the cliff, I did not realize I was the one on the edge of the cliff as the true fool.

The cougar mythology was never curious or tempting to me, or my paradigm. I don’t enjoy the company of kids in their early 20s. My ego doesn’t crave validation that I look younger than my age; when I look in the mirror it is clear that age has only created subtle changes, which I attribute only to hereditary, not luck or some magic-potion-cosmetic concoction designed to make money from women afraid to grow old. My attraction to Mr. Man, even mixed with repulsion, was a feeling, and had nothing to do with defying my age. I never feel the need to convince myself that I am like a woman in her early 20s; what I experience is my real biological age. My encounter with Mr. Man revealed an additional curiosity. Why would any mature, accomplished woman want to relive her tumultuous youth?

As the gathering at J&P’s was winding down, from a collective cognizant of the impending dawn, Mr. Man said with a tone of confusion and worry, “Oh no! I just realized something. My car is at the bar!”“Yes, you came in my car and as such I will take you back,” I replied.

“Okay” he responded with relief and I wondered what would make him feel stranded all of a sudden.

I was not going to leave without making sure that Vanessa had a safe ride home. I wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to go home with Tin-Man, though I did know Tin-Man was determined to take her home with him. I inquired with Tricia, a few times and since I didn’t have enough gas, Tricia said she would make sure Finesse made it back home. As we said goodbye,Tricia let me know that Finesse decided to go home with Tin-Man. The four of us piled into my car, Finesse and Tin-Man in the back seat, Mr. Man and I in the front, me at the wheel, this time around.

As we reached the parking lot, still affected by alcohol, Finesse, Tin-Man, and myself became loud enough for Mr. Man to tell us that we ought to keep our voices down. I immediately said, “You are right, we are too loud and after all it is 4:30 am.”

Cougar Caos
As the sun graced Valentine’s Day morning, I finally fell asleep as my fantasies created a spiral effect in my brain and spread throughout my entire body.

“No, I didn’t mean you,” Mr. Man said, with a tone of worry, at the mere idea that he may have let me think that I had come down from the highest pedestal, so far out of his reach. “It is okay,” I said with no more authority or assurance than he had given me, “…nothing wrong with pointing it out. The two of them are souzed and I am well aware of my gift of projection,” It was clear that to Mr. Man I could do no wrong. The problem with being lifted up on a pedestal is the eventual and inevitable fall.

I gazed over in Mr. Man’s direction, as I began anticipating the pending goodbye, knowing the desires he had made poignantly clear, thereby imagining his pending expectations. As it happened, his physical stance was as unassuming as it had been all evening. There were no schemes to force me to be alone with him in the darkness of predawn. He did not manipulate any situation so that he could pull me aside or steal moments alone with me. The only discussion was the logistics of going to Finesse’s house so they could get her dog and go back to Tin-Man’s place. Much of my mental energy was on Finesse and if it was a good idea for her to be swept away by Tin-Man. Despite my reservations, I was impressed with Tin-Man’s willingness to accommodate Finesse’s dog and again, it made me think of Mr. Wonderful doing the same for my bunny Galaxy, every time we were together. I did have other assurances as to Finesse’s presence of mind during the short car ride from J&P’s house.

In the back of my car, Finesse made it verbally clear to Tin-Man what her physical boundaries would be during their impending sleepover. She systematically listed what they could do together and what was off-limits. I was relieved to hear this, and I also felt a confused frustration coming from Mr. Man in my passenger’s seat. As I turned into the dirt parking lot of the Saloon, I said to Vanessa in a playful stage whisper, “He touched my knee! He touched my knee!” I heard and felt Mr. Man shift quick and sharp in his passenger’s seat, as he said out loud to himself “Now, I am confused.” I never figured out what he meant. Was it possible that he had no ideas that he had touched my knee?

photo collage, cougar, lust, sex, affair, attraction, infatuation, fantasy
I knew I couldn’t trust my mind that was proving unreliable under the intoxicating influence of my reckless body.

When we did say goodbye, he said, “I really had a great time with you
tonight,” as I reached down to hug him. As his arms reached out from his blanket jacket and around my waist I said, “I would invite you over for breakfast, but that is only a couple of hours from now.”

I saw his face shadowed by the darkness, while tinted with the artificial lights around us. I saw longing in his expression, though it could have been his exhaustion. Tin-Man hugged me and in the first serious tone I heard all night, he said “It was so nice to meet you, it was really fun.” As the three of them were about to enter Mr. Man’s car, I said to Finesse, “Can you him my phone number” I felt my arm flex as I pointed in his direction as if there were several choices available and he was the winner. As soon as the words came out, I realized what I had said and when I asked myself why I had made this gesture, I did not have an answer. Whatever I was doing was of my own free will, yet I felt like I was relinquishing control to a force outside of me. I honestly felt like I was under the mysterious spell of the hi-desert breezes whispering subliminal messages in my ear.

affair, cougar, confusion, temptation, lust, attraction
My vivid imagination played like a movie…..

I arrived home just after 5am and my mind was racing about everything that had happened. The tailspin in my mind provided no clarity or answers. I had been touched Mr. Man, in a variety of ways, but this did not change him being young enough to be my offspring. As I settled down to go to sleep, amid text message exchanges checking in with Finesse, I found a text from Mr. Man. He addressed me and announced himself, then said “…I really had a great time with you and I hope we can do it again real soon..” Given the time between our goodbye and this moment, he must have sent this message to me the moment he dropped off Finesse and Tin-Man. Finesse told me later that he had referred to me as “really cool” and asked for my phone number before he drove away from Tin-Man’s apartment. As I looked at his text, my heart spun and the centrifugal forces caused a subtle vibration in my chest that caused my nipples to tingle to the point of feeling a sharp sensation. My finger was on a button, sensitive to the touch, yet I kept it there simply because it felt good.

Knowing I was acting on my own free will, but still feeling as if I was under a bizarre spell, I replied to the text with “me too.” As I tried to fall asleep, I asked myself why I would say this when I was resigned to not give into the attraction that transpired.

cougar, sex, dating, romantic encounter, attraction, lust, infatuation, leg, Mrs. Robinson, photo collage
Not even the crowd, all around me, distilled his penetrating gaze.

Despite the message being short and simple I read it several times. As I tried to fall asleep, aware of the sun coming up just outside my window, my mind raced with graphic fantasies of Mr. Man. My body could not help but stir restlessly amid fantasies of the unique shape of his body fitting right into mine like a hand entering a perfect fitting warm glove. My vivid imagination played like a movie picturing his absent leg and how the sensations of his odd and unique body shape, might feel. Despite a long life of a wide variety of unusual experiences, the feeling of a deformed body would be a first for me.

As the sun graced Valentine’s Day morning, I finally fell asleep as my fantasies created a spiral effect in my brain and spread throughout my entire body. I woke up around 1pm and checked in with Finesse allowing me to temporality escape my drama as I listened to her. She was at Tin-Man’s house with her dog and they had spent an innocent, above the waist night, together. By this time she was claiming to hope for things to work out with her co-habitant who had brutally dumped her. My frustration over her ability to forgive him, for all of his cumulative misdeeds, in magical Hi-Desert, sunsets in the California Hi-Desert, attraction, dating, friends, music, dancingaddition to this cruel abandonment proved to be a distraction. By this time, I was also embarrassed at what had happened only hours prior, events that were fully transparent in the honest light of the midday sun. At the same time her sleepover with Tin-Man was also experiencing full sun. During our phone call Finesse was walking her dog, while looking for a place to eat outside Tin-Man’s apartment. As we spoke, literally, Tin-Man was with an impromptu female visitor bearing a Valentine Card.

On my side of town, the other half of Finesse’s drama had just darkened my front door, disrupting my thoughts of Mr. Man I was unable to escape in sleep. An unfamiliar car pulled in front of my house, while I was still in my nightshirt. I saw that it was Finesse’s boyfriend, who had dumped her, his face distorted by the sunlight making my face feel hot. When I realized who he was my face got hotter as I demanded, “What are you doing here?” I heard how angry I was in the tone of my voice and felt it on my tongue as I spoke. He wanted to know where Finesse was and reasoned that he was worried. To avoid more anger, I looked over at the car and saw Finesse’s mother in the driver’s seat, therefore I had no choice but to keep my cool. The awkward situation forced me to make up a scenario that everyone would believe, without lying, withholding the details since Finesse had every right to be anywhere she wished. I told them not to worry about her that I had just communicated with her. No one was satisfied and insisted on knowing where she was. I mentioned that we were together until 4:30 am and that she went to a friend’s house with her dog and would be back later. My words did little to diffuse the imposed drama. It was like they blamed me for her not being at my house.

I mentioned this to Finesse who had communicated with everyone via text messages earlier. Mr. Man and Tin-Man would be taking her back to J&Ps place. She notified me later that Mr. Man had seemed really sad. I had not amputee sex, aging woman, 21, affair, lust, sex, fantasy, infatuation, obsession, dreams, Valentine's Dayrejected him yet, though I had intended to send him a “Dear John” text at some point that day. I feared that if I waited too long I might change my mind. I knew I couldn’t trust my mind that was proving unreliable under the intoxicating influence of my reckless body.

Cougar in the Hunt Part 5: Cruel Light of Day

As a woman over 40, pushing 50, I have created this blog for the purposed of using my writing skills to create something especially meaningful to women. The best show of appreciation, since this blog is brand new, is feedback, sharing my site with others, and a donation of any amount in that order. Even a small donation, will go a long way to support my gourmet coffee habit
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