Break-Up Dos and Don’t: Guide to Avoiding Post Break-Up Set Backs
Don’t Seek out a new love for at least one year.
Do Spend time with good friends whom you have a long history.
There is no harm in considering adopting a dog or cat, but make sure you give this idea considerable, rational thought. You can also consider volunteering at an animal shelter to help fill the break up void.
Don’t Drink alone- This inevitably will lead to disaster. When going through a break -up, we naturally have unreasonable and unhealthy impulses that we hopefully repress, with good common sense. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, our ability to make rational decisions, and impairs judgment. In the aftermath of a break up, we have irrational impulses that we resist acting on for our own self-respect and consideration of the other party. These filters are weakened or destroyed by alcohol which can result in drunk dialing, drunk facebook posts, typing to the wrong chat window, or playing tricks like sending unsolicited taxis or pizza to your exe’s house. You won’t be able to take these actions back the next morning when your discover and realize what you have done. There will be no backspacing or command z.
Do Drink one glass of wine with dinner, but make sure it is one of those Sutter Homes miniature bottles so the temptation to drink a full bottle is eliminated.
Drink with friends, at your home and make sure you are fully sober before they go home so you are safe.
Don’t: Have more then one beer while relaxing at the local bar on the chance that you will see your ex there that night.
Do Change your hair drastically with a cut, color, and highlights. This is the perfect way to be incognito when you are out. If you happen to see your ex coming, you can hide behind a bush, in a bathroom, behind a clothes rack, or grocery aisle before they realize it is you.
DON’T I can emphasize this enough, do not go to a new stylist for your new look. You are not rational enough to trust a stylist you do not have a long history with. With a stylist you have had for years, you do not have to make a rational choice, she will do that for you.
4) Money and spending
Do: Cut up all credit cards with a limit over $100.
Don’t buy anything; this is the time that you will justify buying anything and charging credit card for things that you don’t need, but suddenly want to fill the void in your life and prove to everyone that you are still cool. While you are at it, stay away from stores that sell firearms, just to be safe.
Do: Stay away from car dealerships and places that sell water-craft. If you must spend money, go for a gym membership or a really nice dress. Put off buying a house; it will only make you sad, every time you see things in perspective houses that would accommodate or please your ex. If possible, put off purchase until you are ready for a clean start. If this purchase would send you far away from your ex, go ahead and make an exception. However, be sure to make a list of your wants and needs and let your realtor do most of the work.
5) Movies and Television
Do go to the movies but stick to the safe list below:
- Godfather series
- Women Outlaw and Action Female Super-hero films: Charlie’s Angels is perfect. Thelma and Louise is golden.
Other safe recommendations:
- Joy Luck Club- This film will help you cry. After a break-up crying makes you feel better. The relationship emphasis is mothers and daughters. It is a beautiful film. The production of this movies does wonderful justice to the excellent work of writer Amy Tan.
- Boys on The Side- This is one of my favorite films. It focuses on women and their connection to each other. For much of this film you will laugh and a good portion will help you cry.
- Jesus Christ Superstar: This is the perfect film if the break up was cause because you failed to live up to the petal-stool your ex needlessly held you to.
- Wonder Woman Movie: It begins with an Amazon Island with no men for centuries.
- Comedy is absolutely essential. Laughing has the same effect as crying does. However stay away from romantic comedies as they will trigger you, annoy you and you will hardly feel the humor.
Safe Zone Television Shows: television of cinematic quality is a great distraction. This list has many shows that are not on the air any longer. Please add to this list in the comment section. Don’t watch any movies on the Hallmark Channel and block the channel if you can. I have listed shows that are either inspiring to women, whose major emphasis is not about romance, characters that are exceptionally human, or exceptionally funny.
- Law and Order especially criminal intent reruns: Crime drama is perfect when your heart is broken. Law and Order is intelligent so it engages your mind. Law and Order stories are never about happy couples making love work. Your broken heart cynicism can find a healthy outlet in a well written crime drama
- Hot in Cleveland reruns: Simply stated Betty White is awesome. Watching Betty White strut across your TV in a role as the hottest woman of an ensemble cast as a 90 + aged woman offers tremendous hope to a broken heart. I am not entirely sure if this is a show for women in their twenties. My niece said as a teenager that she ‘hated it’
- Everybody Hates Chris reruns- this show is hilarious and laughter is great medicine. This is the comedian Chris Rock’s wonder years taking place in Brooklyn. The voice over is the comedic stylings of Chris Rock himself.
- M*A*S*H reruns- Not only is this show funny it is also a timeless representation of a historic event.
- Lock-Up: I list this reality show because it is a chance to see over-the-top desperation, to be in relationships, which will make you proud to know that you are above that.
- Wonder Woman- the title says it all. There is no better catharsis then a female super hero.
- PBS Documentaries
Don’t go to the types of movies listed below. Make sure you screen your movies carefully before going to see them. Be aware that if a movie triggers your feelings of heartbreak in an unpleasant way, you can walk out and get passes to another movie.
- Feel good movies- if you are not feeling good, this won’t help and it could make you feel worse.
- Romantic Comedy
- Any boy meets girl romantic fairy tale ending.
- Love stories where couple beats all odds. This is the ultimate danger zone, avoid it at all costs and look for signs.
Do Listen to Music. It is now possible to download songs and create specialized lists. You can download and create a heartbreak song list.
Don’t listen to or download mushy romantic music. If the lyrics can apply to the love you
have for your dog or cat, go ahead.
Do stash photos, gifts, and mementos from your ex, in a box at the bottom of your closet. These items are part of your history and your developing humanity. Years from now they are not likely to trigger unhappy feelings once you have gained valuable insights. One day these will be your badge of honor and reminders of lessons learned.
Don’t attempts to give gifts back. This is a form of engaging and is provocation to drama that you don’t need.
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